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agree and disagree when some people choose the job with big salary than satisfaction

agree and disagree when some people choose the job with big salary than satisfaction 9leAp
Many people like the jobs based on a high salary. while I agree that money is important, I believe that other things are also quite necessary. On the one hand, I agree that a big salary is good for people. For example, we need money to buy a house, car. food, and pay for risks health and educations. Most people also choose their job with high salaries to take care of their family and quality of life. For instance today, people can change job satisfaction to do a hard job. Nevertheless, I believe that is just as important as what earn in our jobs. Firstly, enjoyment and joy in the workplace are quite important when choosing a job. For example, we can make many the job if we can a great boss and job in work. Finally, people could choose a career because they want to help everyone or to develop socially. In conclusion, while a big salary is extremely important, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that money is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, I believe that other things are
also
quite necessary.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, we need money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, car.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
food
, and pay for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
health and educations. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to take care of their family and quality of life.
For instance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction to do a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
job.

Nevertheless
, I believe
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as what earn in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Firstly
, enjoyment and joy in the workplace are quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if we can a great boss and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in work.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could choose a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone or to develop
socially
.

In conclusion
, while a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators.
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IELTS essay agree and disagree when some people choose the job with big salary than satisfaction

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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