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ageing which results in an insufficient fund for public healthcare.

ageing which results in an insufficient fund for public healthcare. KGDON
As one of the crucial concerns, the population all around the globe is ageing which results in an insufficient fund for public healthcare. Some groups of people suggest that civilians should be responsible for their health-related expenses. Although it is undeniable that everyone should be catered …, I still agree that one should pay for one’s medical costs. To begin with, there can be no doubt that the access to acceptable healthcare should be available for everyone. Public funds come from taxes, which are being paid by every citizen. Therefore everyone should get an equal amount of care regardless of their status. This kind of healthcare should be provided to the poor, as well as the billionaire. On the contrary, spending large portions of government funds on public healthcare may bring economic issues to the country. As the operation costs in many hospitals are generally high, using public money to cover all of that cost could potentially damage the economic flows of the country. Consequently, there will be inadequate money to support other ongoing developments: infrastructure and industrial sector. One of the approachable alternatives is that the government could encourage people who could afford the cost of medical services to use private healthcare while taking care of people from relatively less wealthy backgrounds. By implementing this, the government could considerably reduce the portion of funds that are used to provide the health-related services since there are less people to pay for. In conclusion, despite the equality-related aspect of providing healthcare, I insist that everyone should pay for their medical services. Moreover, the scheme of providing public healthcare might not be the best way to handle the health issues as there is still an alternative that causes less damage to the economy.
As one of the crucial concerns, the population all around the globe is
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
which results in an insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that civilians should be responsible for their health-related expenses. Although it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
should
be catered
…, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one should pay for one’s medical costs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there can be no doubt that the access to acceptable healthcare should be available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
funds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from taxes, which are
being paid
by every citizen.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an equal amount of care regardless of their status. This kind of healthcare should
be provided
to the poor,
as well
as the billionaire.

On the contrary
, spending large portions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare may bring economic issues to the country. As the operation costs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hospitals are
generally
high, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
money to cover all of that cost could
potentially
damage the economic flows of the country.
Consequently
, there will be inadequate money to support other ongoing developments: infrastructure and industrial sector.

One of the approachable alternatives is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who could afford the cost of medical services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
private healthcare while taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
relatively
less wealthy backgrounds. By implementing this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the portion of funds that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to provide the health-related services since there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay for.

In conclusion
, despite the equality-related aspect of providing healthcare, I insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
should pay for their medical services.
Moreover
, the scheme of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare might not be the best way to handle the health issues as there is
still
an alternative that causes less damage to the economy.
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IELTS essay ageing which results in an insufficient fund for public healthcare.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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