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Advertising targeted at children will bring negative effects on the young, do you agree or disagree?

Advertising targeted at children will bring negative effects on the young, GMjEL
In the highly modernized world of today, information about one’s culture and history can be available at the click of the mouse. Given the easy accessibility to online content, it is often argued that museums are no longer required to make people aware of their rich historical culture. I deny this aspect, because despite the information revolution museums still remain an integral part of the nation’s infrastructure for the reasons elucidated below. To begin with, museums provide a lifetime experience for people to enjoy and relish. The online photographs and content fail to generate that excitement among the readers who just passively grasp the information provided thereon. The visit to any cultural site gets imprinted in the minds of the visitors which tend to remain there throughout their lifetime. Also, the information available on the website is often not authentic, thus, making it a doubtful resource to rely upon. On the other hand, the museums are built after a thorough research conducted by the renowned researchers, historians and government agencies. Moreover, because museums have remained a source of ancient culture and history, thus provides valuable knowledge to the youngsters. Although it is always believed that books are the greatest source of history, but visiting such museums leaves real remarks on the visitors. For example, the weapons linked to the wars used during the king’s empire available in the museum can be investigated to know about their real design. Lastly, these works of art to help people improve their quality of life by providing them employment. For instance, Virasat-e-Khalsa a museum in India depicting rich Sikh history, provides employment to around 2000 residents living in the Anandpur City. Furthermore, the government earns a huge amount of its revenue from the fee that is collected from the visitors who pay a visit to the place. The income, thus generated, is used to finance other welfare activities, develop infrastructure and provide basic amenities. A report by Punjab government stated that “Sada Punjab” at Amritsar, enabled government to garner around rupees 50 lacs during the first three months of its opening. In conclusion, the importance of museums cannot be denied on the account of the experience, thrill and excitement they add as well as the contribution they make towards the country’s economic development.
In the
highly
modernized world of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about one’s culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can be available at the click of the mouse.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the easy accessibility to online content, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are no longer required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware of their rich historical culture. I deny this aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
revolution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
still
remain an integral part of the nation’s infrastructure for the reasons elucidated below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a lifetime experience for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to enjoy and relish. The online photographs and content fail to generate that excitement among the readers who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
passively
grasp the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provided thereon. The visit to any cultural site
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
imprinted in the minds of the visitors which tend to remain there throughout their lifetime.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available on the website is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not authentic,
thus
, making it a doubtful resource to rely upon.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are built
after a thorough research conducted by the renowned researchers, historians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
agencies.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have remained a source of ancient culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
valuable knowledge to the youngsters. Although it is always believed that books are the greatest source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
real remarks on the visitors.
For example
, the weapons linked to the wars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
during the king’s empire available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
be investigated
to know about their real design.

Lastly
, these works of art to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality of life by providing them employment.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virasat-e-Khalsa
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in India depicting rich Sikh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
employment to around 2000 residents living in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandpur
City.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
earns a huge amount of its revenue from the fee that
is collected
from the visitors who pay a visit to the place. The income,
thus
generated, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to finance other welfare activities, develop infrastructure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
basic amenities. A report by Punjab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
stated that “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sada
Punjab” at Amritsar, enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to garner around rupees 50
Possible spelling mistake found.
lacs
during the
first
three months of its opening.

In conclusion
, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
cannot
be denied
on the account of the experience, thrill and excitement they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
as well
as the contribution they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
towards the country’s economic development.
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IELTS essay Advertising targeted at children will bring negative effects on the young,

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
379 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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