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advertising provides and creates more employment opportunities

advertising provides and creates more employment opportunities 0n1JB
First and foremost, advertising provides and creates more employment opportunities for many talented people like singers, models, footballers, painters, photographers and so on. For this purpose of providing information about products over the whole society on numerous media, many individuals and organizational advertisement agencies have started, thus, advertisement agencies required artists, designers and other experts for the preparing period. Additionally, they needs a various professionals of print media as well as electronic media. Advertisiservices provide self-employment and salaried employment to a substantial number of persons.
First
and foremost, advertising provides and creates more employment opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like singers, models, footballers, painters, photographers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

For this purpose of providing information about products over the whole society on numerous media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals and organizational advertisement agencies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
,
thus
, advertisement agencies required artists, designers and other experts for the preparing period.
Additionally
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "need"
needs
a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "professional"?
professionals
of print media
as well
as electronic media.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Advertisiservices
provide self-employment and salaried employment to a substantial number of persons.
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IELTS essay advertising provides and creates more employment opportunities

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
85 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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