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Advertising makes us waste money unnecessary things. Do you agree or disagree?

Advertising makes us waste money unnecessary things. KeKL
It is argue that, advertising spend extra money for unnecessary products. Although, unnecessary things waste some money, I believe that, it is more beneficial to increase demand of productsOn the one hand, advertisement improves demand of items. If somebody makes advertisement of their things, most people will like this items and make an effort to buy this things. Especially, it will be relate with famous person's name. For instance, Ronaldo, Messi, Yulduz Usmonova, Selena Gomez, Neslihan Atagul and others Moreover, If you don't have enough time to shop around you can realy on advertising to learn about new product. Most people are very busy because of their work. When they come home and turn on the TV, they see the advertisement of products. And If they like this items, they can purchase that products. On the other hand, unnecessary things which advertising on TV waste extra money. More companies and factories advertise their small products which unnecessary items for people. They preise their things very much. Sometimes, they add some lies during advertising. Most people believe them and purchase it. And also they regret to buying it. In addition, most companies advertise unquality products. For example, gums, vitamins, energetic drinks and others. It is very harmful to people's health. These unquality products consist of many unhealthy chemicals and different colours. Furthermore, it will be cause to being fussy of children. More children show the advertisement on TV and ask from their parents to bring this bad products. If their parents don't want to buy it, their children begin to be fussy until to get it. For instance, having saw the advertisement of gum product, my brother always want to chew this gum name of zizi In conclusion, people spend extra money for nedless items, I think that, it would be better to grow product's requirement.
It is
Consider using a past participle here: "argued".
argue
that, advertising spend extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
things waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I believe that, it is more beneficial to increase demand of
Possible spelling mistake found.
productsOn
the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. If somebody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
their things, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will like
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Did you mean "these"?
this
things.
Especially
, it will be
Consider using the past participle "related"?
relate
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person's name.
For instance
, Ronaldo, Messi,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yulduz
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usmonova
, Selena Gomez,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neslihan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Atagul
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
Moreover
, If you don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to shop around you can
Possible spelling mistake found.
realy
on advertising to learn about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home and turn on the TV, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. And If they like
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
things which advertising on TV waste extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories advertise their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
preise
their things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lies during advertising. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it. And
also
they regret to buying it.
In addition
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise
Possible spelling mistake found.
unquality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, gums, vitamins, energetic drinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health. These
Possible spelling mistake found.
unquality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
consist of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unhealthy chemicals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
.
Furthermore
, it will
Did you mean "because"?
be cause
to being fussy of children. More children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on TV and ask from their parents to bring this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. If their parents don't want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it, their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to be fussy until to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it.
For instance
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
gum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, my brother always want to chew this gum name of
Possible spelling mistake found.
zizi
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
nedless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, it would be better to grow product's requirement.
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IELTS essay Advertising makes us waste money unnecessary things.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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