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advertising is important or not.

advertising is important or not. Joplj
I think that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. I have three reasons. First of all, if there are no advertising, we couldn’t know some products which is very useful. I have a lot of things that I know from the advertising. For example, I have never known handy fan, but when I see handy fan’s advertising, I could know these things and I could buy them. As a result, I will be able to spend comfortable summer. Second, I think that advertising is evidence that the product is high quality and safety. If the products have some problems, I think the company that make the product doesn’t advertise. If they advertise the product which have defects, the company’s reputation goes down and they will be able to get trust from customers. I think if they advertise their products, it should be not only high quality but also safety. Last, by advertising, there is a possibility that the products will be popular by word of mouth. Once the products are popular, people will definitely pay focus on the company’s from now on. By the products are popular, the company’s funds increase. Then the company have leeway. And then the company can produce new products. This is how a good cycle will be made. Of course, I think that advertising have only merit, it has some demerit, but we can use advertisement accurately, we may be able to get very useful products. I think that the company’s effort and customer’s effort need.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. I have three reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if there are no advertising, we couldn’t know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things that I know from the advertising.
For example
, I have never known

handy fan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
handy fan’s advertising, I could know these things and I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
As a result
, I will be able to spend comfortable summer. Second, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that advertising is evidence that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is high quality and safety. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
doesn’t advertise. If they advertise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which have defects, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
reputation goes
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trust from customers. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
if they advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, it should be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
safety. Last, by advertising, there is a possibility that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will be popular by word of mouth. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are popular,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will definitely pay focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on. By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are popular, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
funds increase. Then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
have leeway. And then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can produce new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This is how a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cycle will
be made
.
Of course
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that advertising have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
merit, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advertisement
accurately
, we may be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
effort and customer’s effort need.
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IELTS essay advertising is important or not.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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