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Advertisements may have made everyone want to possess the same items

Advertisements may have made everyone want to possess the same items J3806
Advertisements may have made everyone want to possess the same items, but they did not eliminate individuals' distinctive qualities or behaviors. Nowadays, everyone has the same things, be it the same fashion trends, the same manner of dressing, or similar eating choices. However, this does not that advertisements have obliterated people's separate personalities and behaviors. Although we can all wear the same outfit, the way we wear it and behave in different situations is different. Everyone has a unique personality and appearance, and advertising can't control and destroy those factors. Furthermore, advertisements have no control over how people utilize a product, although they can motivate people to buy similar things.
Advertisements may have made everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to possess the same items,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not eliminate individuals' distinctive qualities or behaviors. Nowadays, everyone has the same things, be it the same fashion trends, the same manner of dressing, or similar eating choices.
However
, this does not that advertisements have obliterated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's separate personalities and behaviors. Although we can all wear the same outfit, the way we wear it and behave in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Everyone has a unique personality and appearance, and advertising can't control and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
those factors.
Furthermore
, advertisements have no control over how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilize a product, although they can motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
similar things.
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IELTS essay Advertisements may have made everyone want to possess the same items

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
110 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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