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Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development? v.7

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7
Advertisements have so far played an essential role in launching products to attract their customers. From my perspective, the positive impacts that this issue brings are outweighed by the negative ones due to the following reasons. To commence with, although the advertisement is a means of marketing to increase awareness of a brand, some of them has been exacerbated far from the reality. To be more precise, the adverts that people see nowadays on TV or through the Internet are sometimes colourful with appealing animations, or trying to illustrate the effectiveness when promoting the products. However, when people afford those goods, they feel disillusioned because it does not function properly or is different from what the advertisement had shown before. Despite the creativity of launching products through the adverts, consumers might still be distrust and confused whether to buy them or not. Another detrimental effect that advertisements bring for human beings is it is sometimes suddenly appear, which causes distraction or disturbance. Because adverts are born to attract people, it has to pop up everywhere, from a short commercial break between two TV shows to spams in emails. Moreover, advertisements about food and drink usually the main reason for obesity, especially targeting at children. To put it simply, some products, which contain high levels of fat and sugar, promote for children with interesting and lively adverts so that parents would buy them. As a result, advertisements also contribute to one’s health problem. In conclusion, in spite of the benefits that advertisements will bring to a business, they also have plenty of unverified usage to completely supply people’s need.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far played an essential role in launching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to attract their customers. From my perspective, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts that this issue brings
are outweighed
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones due to the following reasons.

To commence with, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a means of marketing to increase awareness of a brand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them has
been exacerbated
far from the reality. To be more precise, the adverts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
nowadays on TV or through the Internet are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
with appealing animations, or trying to illustrate the effectiveness when promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
afford those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, they feel disillusioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not function
properly
or is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
had shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Despite the creativity of launching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through the adverts, consumers might
still
be
Consider using a past participle here: "distrusted".
distrust
and confused whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them or not.

Another detrimental effect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
bring for human beings is it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
suddenly
appear, which causes distraction or disturbance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
adverts
are born
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pop up everywhere, from a short commercial break between two TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "spam".
spams
in emails.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
about food and drink
usually
the main reason for obesity,
especially
targeting at children. To put it
simply
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which contain high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar, promote for children with interesting and lively adverts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that parents would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
contribute to one’s health problem.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
will bring to a business, they
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of unverified usage to completely supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
need.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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