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Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development. v.3

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development. v. 3
Celebrating a luxurious wedding is a new trend in the modern era. It loses not only the economic growth but also a huge energy and mental level. I highly disagree with this trend also think, that is not a wisdom. First of all, we have to find out the main reason behind that prone. In modern technological life, people are very used to in a social media application like Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp etc. Nowadays you can easily see that there are lots of Facebook pages, and events who gives an offer to organize a great wedding. There are lots of bridal packages included there along with a great photography event. Specially girls, are getting attracted by those packages. Those organizations post lots of wedding photos with very special style that inspired specially girls a lot. It is like a show off trend that if we are not arranging a luxurious wedding, then what will our friends and family tell. On the contrary, a luxurious weeding is very expensive. Sometimes, the photographers demand one lakh or more than that just for a photography event. Also the decoration part has an enormous cost just it’s only. Because, the main attraction for a great wedding is decoration. On the other hand, parlour cost, including a huge number day by day. Girls are very addicted to give herself a beautiful look. Ok, this is fine, every girl want that she will look special at her big day. But, the thing is most of the parlour of the city use adulteration product which causes harm to skin disease and also demand a high remuneration. In the middle class family, the impact of this fact is very dangerous. Because a father wants to give his best for his daughter and son. But, such amount of cost always falls him a frustration. In the end, I can say that a luxurious wedding is a dream for all but the result of this situation may not be cool for any developing country. Only the increasing of awareness among citizens can eliminate this economic and mental losses.
Celebrating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is a new trend in the modern era. It loses not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the economic growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a huge energy and mental level. I
highly
disagree with this trend
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
that is
not
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "wisdom".
a wisdom
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find out the main reason behind that prone. In modern technological life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in a social media application like Facebook, Instagram,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
etc. Nowadays you can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of Facebook pages, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
who gives an offer to organize a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of bridal packages included there along with a great photography
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Specially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, are getting attracted by those packages. Those organizations post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
photos with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
special style that inspired
specially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. It is like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off trend that if we are not arranging a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
, then what will our friends and family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
.

On the contrary
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxurious
weeding is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the photographers demand one lakh or more than that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for a photography
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the decoration part has an enormous cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the main attraction for a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is decoration.
On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
parlour
cost, including a huge number day by day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Girls
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addicted to give herself a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
look. Ok, this is fine, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
Did you mean "want her to"?
want that she
will look special at her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the thing is most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
parlour
of the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
adulteration product which causes harm to skin disease and
also
demand a high remuneration. In the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family, the impact of this fact is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a father wants to give his best for his daughter and son.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, such amount of cost always falls him a frustration.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I can say that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is a dream for all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the result of this situation may not be cool for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the increasing of awareness among citizens can eliminate this economic and mental losses.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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