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Advertisementes of toys and fast foods are obstacles to children's phyiscal and mental development and the same time cause loss of time and money of parents.

Advertisementes of toys and fast foods are obstacles to children's phyiscal and mental development and the same time cause loss of time and money of parents. MYeN
Today increase the number of advertisements, and today's tv is full commercials both for adults and children. I, like many others, think that adverts are very impossible for people. I tend to personally disagree with the point of view that is harmful for children and members of society. On the one hand nowadays, all factories and countries are advertising their own products. As a result people believe this situation and parents spent a lot of money for their children. In other words, not all products are good and as I said. For instance, fast foods, mobile phones, other toys and techniques are a lot of and they are have a bead effect for children. On the other hand, advertisements are useful for children, the good thing for kids and adults is that they can get things that belong to them if they use common sense, one clear example is for reading and working they can get useful advises. In conclusion, what I mean is that if everyone does what they want, there will be no harm.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
increase the number of advertisements, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
is full commercials both for adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adverts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impossible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I tend to
personally
disagree with the point of view
that is
harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and members of society. On the one hand nowadays, all factories and countries are advertising their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
products.
As a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe this situation and parents spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, not all products are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and as I said.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods, mobile phones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
toys and techniques are a lot
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
of and
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
a bead effect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, advertisements are useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing for kids and adults is that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things that belong to them if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
common sense, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is for reading and working they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
useful advises.
In conclusion
, what I mean is that if everyone does what they want, there will be no harm.
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IELTS essay Advertisementes of toys and fast foods are obstacles to children's phyiscal and mental development and the same time cause loss of time and money of parents.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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