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advantages and disadvantages of a year off between finishing school and going to university

advantages and disadvantages of a year off between finishing school and going to university RwE9P
It is frequently believed that taking a gap year between finishing high-school and going to university, is so useful for pupils. Although I consider this idea quite helpful, there are some advantages and disadvantages of having a rest year after high-school. On the one hand, having a year off before starting university, can let students to find themselves and their interests. Thus they can choose their future university major more wisely than others who chose that in their age of 18. Besides they can hangout more with their family and friends, maybe traveling around the world and visiting numerous sites or even finding a simple job. This has been proved by statistics that this teenagers tend to be more brave and socialize than others. Also they can learn a number of things which they may have never been taught by anyone else before. Moreover, another positive point in my opinion is that they can follow their childhood passionate which they haven't had time to fulfill it during school due to the fact of caught up with their curriculum. On the minus side, not starting your advance education in the age of 18, can lead pupils to entering in the field of their career later than others. For instance, if one start their higher education level right after graduation, by age 22 he or she may have a bachelor degree and if they are not enthusiastic about getting a master degree, then, hiring in some workplaces and having their own income, is a really massive achievement for mere a 22 years old. On the contrary, having one or even two gap years, doesn't allow pupils to having their own job at the age of 22 and this could increase the rate of depression among youngsters in the society, slightly. In the conclusion, the positive points of this topic are much more than its negative ones, significantly and having a year off is a brilliant idea.
It is
frequently
believed that taking a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
between finishing high-school and going to university, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful for pupils. Although I consider this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
quite helpful, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after high-school. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
students to find themselves and their interests.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they can choose their future university major more
wisely
than others who chose that in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
they
The verb 'hang out' is spelled as two words. The noun 'hangout' is spelled as one.
can hangout
more with their family and friends, maybe traveling around the world and visiting numerous sites or even finding a simple job. This has
been proved
by statistics that
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tend to be more brave and socialize than others.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they can learn a number of things which they may have never
been taught
by anyone else
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
point in my opinion is that they can follow their childhood passionate which they haven't had time to fulfill it during school due to the fact of caught up with their curriculum. On the minus side, not starting your advance education in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18, can lead pupils to
There isn't usually a preposition after "entering". Did you mean "entering the field"?
entering in the field
of their career later than others.
For instance
, if one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their higher education level right after graduation, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
22 he or she may have a bachelor degree and if they are not enthusiastic about getting a master degree, then, hiring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workplaces and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income, is a
really
massive achievement for mere a 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
one or even two gap years, doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
pupils to
Did you mean "have"?
having
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
job at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 22 and this could increase the rate of depression among youngsters in the society,
slightly
. In the conclusion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of this topic are much more than its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones,
significantly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off is a brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
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IELTS essay advantages and disadvantages of a year off between finishing school and going to university

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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