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Advantages of extended families

Advantages of extended families 7P8Vy
I believe in the past, having several children had several advantages. Firstly, one of the advantages of growing up in a large family is the ability to communicate. Children who grow up in larger homes, have superior social behavior and can quickly improve their relationships. Growing up in a large family may pose more challenges, since youngsters are confronted with critical issues of how to deal with these issues in the future. Children from large families, however, developed not only good communication abilities, but also social skills and life experiences. Secondly, each person's joy multiplied by some family members. Someone is always there to help. Especially at birthday parties, important celebrations, and sporting events. Each one displayed their love in a unique, and exclusive way. Each member's family has become a lifelong supporter.
I believe in the past, having several children had several advantages.
Firstly
, one of the advantages of growing up in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the ability to communicate. Children who grow up in larger homes, have superior social behavior and can
quickly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their relationships. Growing up in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may pose more challenges, since youngsters
are confronted
with critical issues of how to deal with these issues in the future. Children from large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
however
, developed not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communication abilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and life experiences.
Secondly
, each person's joy multiplied by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Someone is always there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Especially
at birthday parties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
celebrations, and sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Each one displayed
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
in a unique, and exclusive way. Each member's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has become a lifelong supporter.
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IELTS essay Advantages of extended families

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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