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Advance in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours should be reduced.

Advance in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours should be reduced. OB7j
Nowadays we observe enormous advance in technology and automation which has large influence to the need for manual laboure. First of all, machines are more efficient than people work. They can produce more in shorter time. Greater efficiency is due to the fact that machines do not need brake and machines work is continues. What is more, machines do not have social needs like holidays, leaves and benefits. These additional social elements have large influence to working hours perfect example is paid leave which is guarantee by law. This leave takes at least twenty-one working day a year in Poland. During this time employee do not work but receive salary. Above argument leads to the next issue, cost of machines work is lower than manual laboure. The cost of machine is one – time but cost of people work is constant. If the entrepreneur hires an employee, he must bear the costs related to his employment, such as training, clothing, taxes, social security. However, it needs to be highlighted that machines cannot work without people. Every machine is attended on human. Furthermore, people have to have a job because it is the only way to get financial security. Therefore, advance in technology and automation change the laboure market and one of the changes should be reduced of working hours. Working hours was reduced since the stream machines was invented in the eighteenth century. Before this event, people worked 14 hours a day. Nowadays we are witnessing major technological changes facilitating work, which should contribute to the reduction of man’s working time.
Nowadays we observe enormous advance in technology and automation which has large influence to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for manual
Possible spelling mistake found.
laboure
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are more efficient than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They can produce more in shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Greater efficiency is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
Did you mean "to brake"?
brake
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is continues.

What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do not have social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
like holidays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and benefits. These additional social elements have large influence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
perfect example
is paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
which is guarantee by law. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
takes at least twenty-one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day a year in Poland. During this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employee do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
receive salary.

Above argument leads to the
next
issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is lower than manual
Possible spelling mistake found.
laboure
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
is one
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is constant. If the entrepreneur hires an employee, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
bear the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
related to his employment, such as training, clothing, taxes, social security.

However
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be highlighted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
is attended
on human.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial security.

Therefore
, advance in technology and automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
laboure
market and one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
since the stream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
was invented
in the eighteenth century.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worked 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day. Nowadays we are witnessing major technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
facilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which should contribute to the reduction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay Advance in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours should be reduced.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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