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admire people have traditional ideas about how to live, think and behave.however, some people argue that these ideas are not appropriate for this era

admire people have traditional ideas about how to live, think and behave. however, some people argue that these ideas are not appropriate for this era xmYDy
Although it sometimes thought by some people that admire people have traditional ideas about how to live, think and behave. however, some people argue that these ideas are not appropriate for this era. I fully agree with this idea that old people have several traditional ideas are still usefull, in contrast, others are outdated. On the one hand, many of the ideas that elderly people have about life are certainly applicable. For example, old people strongly believe that working hard, doing one best, and taking pride in one work, these behaviours help to their todays competitive job. Fourthermore, nowadaysyoung people wiling into contact with people from a huge variety of backrounds with respectly, its very important because young people can express their expectation and also its traditional politeness and good minners On the other hand, their are some ideas that are less relavent in this era. to begin with, in the past, admire people advice young people to learn a profession and find a secure job for whole life. in contrast, todays workers expect much more variety and diversity from their careers, In addition, young adults these days choose their life partner after that they decide when they marry and plans for the future. However, in the old generation didn't have these tradition, its very helpful for their life because they can deeply think and decide. I believe that people are happy when they get job and a good partner In conclusion, although the views of older people may sometimes seem unhelpful in today’s world, we should not dismiss all traditional ideas as irrelevant.
Although it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and behave.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
are not appropriate for this era. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
are
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
,
in contrast
, others
are outdated
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
certainly
applicable.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strongly
believe that working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, doing one best, and taking pride in one work, these
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
competitive job.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Fourthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowadaysyoung
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wiling into contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a huge variety of
Possible spelling mistake found.
backrounds
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
respectly
, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can express their expectation and
also
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
politeness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
minners


On the other hand
,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
that are less
Possible spelling mistake found.
relavent
in this era.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past, admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advice young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn a profession and find a secure job for whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
contrast,
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
much more variety and diversity from their careers,

In addition
, young adults these days choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
partner after that they decide when they marry and plans for the future.
However
, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation didn't have
Did you mean "this tradition" or "these traditions"?
these tradition
, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
deeply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and decide. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happy when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
partner


In conclusion
, although the views of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
seem unhelpful in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
today
’s world, we should not dismiss all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
as irrelevant.
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IELTS essay admire people have traditional ideas about how to live, think and behave. however, some people argue that these ideas are not appropriate for this era

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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