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Adavancement of technology

Adavancement of technology gDrda
Nowadays, technology has covered the major part of the world community. However, the development of machinery could cause many environmental problems. As segment of(MANY) people says that the simple lifestyle can lessen such issues and few think that machinery also solves the above problems by itself. In the further paragraphs, I would like to examine both the points and give my opinion regarding it. It can be seen that automation brings a lot of benefits to people. In some developed countries, hi-tech completely replaces human work. For instance, a modern vacuum can be turned on and started cleaning the entire house automatically and shuts down when the job is done. Due to the advantage of machinery, many industries struggle to manufacture hi-tech appliances. As a result, it is the culprit may be the discharge of polluting substances into the atmosphere. Indeed, a simple lifestyle could reduce pollution; however, the disappearance of technology could waste so much time of humans. Naturally, people must do a lot of work in which modern appliances can be done. On the other hand, the simple life would affect the economy so immensely. Furthermore, the reduction of the number of products would not return us a blue sky and fresh air. Development of technology, including environmental issues; some of the machines have been improved to reduce the pollution. Currently, humans have discovered cleaner and plentiful resources such as solar-powered which supported to save the environment. We could better handle these problems with alternative resources and adopt more environmentally friendly materials and apply production equipment. Automation not only helps people updating lifestyle, but also support us to save our environment. To sum up, in my opinion, I think a simple life without modern appliances is not the best idea to control pollution because such action will hurt the economy strong and not achieving what it is aimed for. So according to me, measures such as updating hi-tech products and the development of new energy resources could be more effective solutions.
Nowadays, technology has covered the major part of the world community.
However
, the development of machinery could cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental problems.

As segment of(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that the simple lifestyle can lessen such issues and few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
machinery
also
solves the above problems by itself. In the
further
paragraphs, I would like to examine both the points and give my opinion
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
regarding


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that automation brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, hi-tech
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
completely


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
replaces
human work.
For instance
, a modern vacuum can
be turned
on and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
cleaning the entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
automatically


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
shuts down when the job
is done
. Due to the advantage of machinery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries struggle to manufacture
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hi-tech


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
appliances
.
As a result
, it is the culprit may be the discharge of polluting substances into the atmosphere.
Indeed
, a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
simple
lifestyle could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pollution;
however
, the disappearance of technology could waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time of humans.

Naturally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work in which modern appliances can
be done
.
On the other hand
, the simple life would affect the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
economy


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
immensely
.
Furthermore
, the reduction of the number of products would not return us a blue sky and fresh air.

Development of technology, including environmental issues;
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
machines have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
pollution.
Currently
, humans have discovered cleaner and plentiful resources such as solar-powered which

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
supported
to save the environment. We could better handle these problems with alternative resources and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
adopt


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
environmentally
friendly materials and apply production equipment. Automation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
updating lifestyle,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
support us to save our environment.

To sum up, in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a simple life without modern appliances is not the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to control pollution

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
such action will hurt the economy strong and not achieving what it
is aimed
for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
according to me,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
measures


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as updating hi-tech products and the development of new energy resources could be more effective solutions.
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As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Adavancement of technology

Essay
  American English
19 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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