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Actors and other celebrities make comment on public topic which is not related to their profession. Is this a positive or negative development?

Actors and other celebrities make comment on public topic which is not related to their profession. Is this a positive or negative development? DwoRm
Prominent individuals have been widely appreciated for their opinion on various matters of public affairs which is the reason behind the success of many political and social developments. This is a positive approach and this essay will discuss the aspects that support it. When we talk about our role models, movie stars and famous artists in different professions have been known to occupy the title of being idols to many, primarily for the exceptional work they do in their field they represent that deeply connects with the audience and therefore, every word from their mouth are considered of high quality and leaves a significant impression in our minds which gives a sense of hope and courage even if their work doesn't quantify on said subject. One such instance is Leo Di Caprio, who spoke highly on climate change and public have supported him in his move towards raising his voice against global warming Furthermore, the views of many renowned people especially in subjects like politics and religions have been highly regarded in peace making and bringing communities together. These role models make the most out of this opportunity through their stardom and massive fan following to create social awareness and educating general public, thus creating a safer and secure environment in a society to interact and share profound messages through various platforms. United Nations ambassadors like Emma Watson and Greta Thunberg to name a few, who have been associated in many projects that is followed by the global audience in targeting world wide issues. In conclusion, the need of the hour is definitely calling out every person who holds a significant image and ideology to contribute more in society and bring change. I fully support the voice of these recognized people who has the capacity to pursue unheard issues and solving for the good of humanity. Opinions of these famous personalities play a pivoted role in development of a better society and strong nation.
Prominent individuals have been
widely
appreciated for their opinion on various matters of public affairs which is the reason behind the success of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
political and social developments. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
approach and this essay will discuss the aspects that support it.

When we talk about our role models, movie stars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions have
been known
to occupy the title of being idols to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
primarily
for the exceptional work they do in their field they represent that
deeply
connects with the audience and
therefore
, every word from their mouth
are considered
of high quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a significant impression in our minds which gives a sense of hope and courage even if their work doesn't quantify on said subject. One such instance is Leo Di
Possible spelling mistake found.
Caprio
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spoke
highly
on climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and public have supported him in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards raising his voice against global
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
warming


Furthermore
, the views of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
in subjects like politics and religions have been
highly
regarded in peace making and bringing communities together. These role models
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most out of this opportunity through their stardom and massive fan following to create social awareness and educating
Consider using "public".
general public
,
thus
creating a safer and secure environment in a society to interact and share profound messages through various platforms. United Nations ambassadors like Emma Watson and Greta Thunberg to name a few,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
been associated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
projects that
is followed
by the global audience in targeting
Did you mean "worldwide"?
world wide
issues.

In conclusion
, the need of the hour is definitely calling out every person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
holds a significant image and ideology to contribute more in society and bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. I
fully
support the voice of these recognized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
the capacity to pursue unheard issues and solving for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of humanity. Opinions of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities play a pivoted role in development of a better society and strong nation.
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IELTS essay Actors and other celebrities make comment on public topic which is not related to their profession. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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