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According to some people belives music, art and drama are

According to some people belives music, art and drama are VADm
According to some people belives music, art and drama are vital important subjects in schools instead of other courses, albeit other not agree with this theory. In my opinion these subjects are the more important than other school lessons. On one hand, Somehow disagree with degree of importance of these arts are saying that these lessons are not significant enough in early level in the school. Firstly, They believe other lesson like mathematich and biology are the principle o the studying. Consequently student should be spend more time on these subjects. Secondly, they suppose to the harmful effect of less care on these lessons is directly affected the future of students. The outcome of these neglect will be they can find appropriate job in the future. For example many jobs require other skills and nobody care about your knowledge in music, art and drama. On the other hand, People who consider that music, art and drama are crucial and exactly in early level of studing. The main reason, learning this types of subject are essential for mental health and will help student to learn efficiently other subjects. For example music has always require to relaxation and assist the learing process. Another benefit is these acivities are more confortable to learn in elementry level of study. By Less spending time at first step of learning impoving in the future will be difficult because young people can learn better than other ages. In conclusion, despite some disagreements such as the degree of importance and less care on other lesson, I strongly agree to care about music, art and drama which help students have intact mental and the difficulty of learing in future.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
belives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and drama are vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in schools
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
courses, albeit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this theory. In my opinion these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are the more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
school lessons.

On one hand, Somehow disagree with degree of importance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are saying that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are not significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in early level in the school.
Firstly
, They believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
mathematich
and biology are the principle o the studying.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
more time on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Secondly
, they suppose to the harmful effect of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
is
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The outcome of these neglect will be they can find appropriate job in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and nobody
The pronoun 'nobody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "cares", "cared".
care
about your knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and drama.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and drama are crucial and exactly in early level of
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
. The main reason, learning this types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are essential for mental health and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to learn
efficiently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "required".
require
to relaxation and assist the
Possible spelling mistake found.
learing
process. Another benefit is these
Possible spelling mistake found.
acivities
are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
confortable
to learn in
Possible spelling mistake found.
elementry
level of study. By Less spending time at
first
step of learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
impoving
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will be difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can learn better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ages.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreements such as the degree of importance and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and drama which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have intact mental and the difficulty of
Possible spelling mistake found.
learing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
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IELTS essay According to some people belives music, art and drama are

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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