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According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?

According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion? jyN8
Recent study data has revealed that a growing number of people have started spending much more time while browsing the internet instead of spending quality time with real human beings. I am totally in agreement that individuals should restrict themselves from excessive usage of the internet has expanded the opportunities globally, however, they also have to devote time to their families and other members of society to develop their interpersonal skills. There are several reasons that why people are spending much time on the internet. First of all, by using this available option they not only making friends in their own country but also in other countries as well. Moreover, the increased internet usage leads to more global job opportunities hence, ultimately contributing to countries GDP. Not only this but people also exchange their festivals and value of their own culture.
Recent study data has revealed that a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
spending much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while browsing the internet
instead
of spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with real human beings. I am
totally
in agreement that individuals should restrict themselves from excessive usage of the internet has expanded the opportunities globally,
however
, they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their families and other members of society to develop their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

There are several reasons that why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by using this available option they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
making friends in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other countries
as well
.

Moreover
, the increased internet usage leads to more global job opportunities
hence
,
ultimately
contributing to countries GDP. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
exchange their festivals and value of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.
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IELTS essay According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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