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According to 2000 ‘s report, Japan has became one of the most country which has the highest proportion of population aging and owing to this reason, Japan‘s GDP has dropped 10%-16% compared to the previous years. This has drawn awareness of the increasing in average life expectancy in many country include Japan itself and turn into very difficult hassel.

According to 2000 ‘s report, Japan has became one of the most country which has the highest proportion of population aging and owing to this reason, Japan‘s GDP has dropped 10%-16% compared to the previous years. This has drawn awareness of the increasing in average life expectancy in many country include Japan itself and turn into very difficult hassel. pRep9
According to 2000 ‘s report, Japan has became one of the most country which has the highest proportion of population aging and owing to this reason, Japan‘s GDP has dropped 10%-16% compared to the previous years. This has drawn awareness of the increasing in average life expectancy in many country include Japan itself and turn into very difficult hassel. We are living in 4. 0 century when industry also medical treatment have greatly improved, with these favourable conditions, people can expect to live longer than before. However, it also causes negative consequences and governments should hit upon the solution in order to deal with. Irreparable damage had been brought about by aging population owing to the fact that a big set of people are retirement which are eligible to receive pension. More precisely, young people in the working age are the main resource contribute to country development, but due to the increasing number of retirement people has led to the decreasing of people in working age. Obviously, we can anticipate the result that the tax burden for working individual will get bigger. Tracing the roots of this aging’s population directs us to the inefficient regulation of government.
According to
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2000s".
2000 ‘s
report, Japan has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
one of the most country which has the highest proportion of population aging and owing to this reason, Japan‘s GDP has dropped 10%-16% compared to the previous years. This has drawn awareness of the increasing in average life expectancy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
country include Japan itself and turn into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult
Possible spelling mistake found.
hassel
.

We are living in 4. 0
Possible agreement error. The noun 'century' seems to be countable, so consider using: "centuries".
century
when industry
also
medical treatment have
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, with these
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
conditions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
, it
also
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should hit upon the solution in order to deal with.

Irreparable damage had
been brought
about by aging population owing to the fact that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are retirement which are eligible to receive pension. More
precisely
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the working age are the main resource contribute to country development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the increasing number of retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has led to the decreasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in working age.
Obviously
, we can anticipate the result that the tax burden for working individual will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bigger.

Tracing the roots of this aging’s population directs us to the inefficient regulation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
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IELTS essay According to 2000 ‘s report, Japan has became one of the most country which has the highest proportion of population aging and owing to this reason, Japan‘s GDP has dropped 10%-16% compared to the previous years. This has drawn awareness of the increasing in average life expectancy in many country include Japan itself and turn into very difficult hassel.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • According to 2000 ‘s report, Japan has became one of the most country which has the highest proportion of population aging and owing to this reason, Japan‘s GDP has dropped 10%-16% compared to the previous years. This has drawn awareness of the increasing in average life expectancy in many country include Japan itself and turn into very difficult hassel.