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abouy hobby that you enjoy now

abouy hobby that you enjoy now dp8RP
I have never really been short of hobbies as I always like to try new and interesting things. But one particular hobby, which has stuck with me more or less always, is listening to music. Yes, I love listening to music – all kinds of music – pretty much all the time, unless, of course, I am sleeping. This hobby was passed down from my parents, who let me listen to music before I was born. By the way, this hobby has followed me for the past 18 years. Anyway, I get a number of benefits from this hobby. The first benefit, of course, is that it makes me feel happy and glad while getting rid of my frustration and worries about life. Besides, it also helps me understand my life and its goal in a larger frame of the present, past, and future. Finally, it also stimulates my mind and body to accomplish more in life.
I have never
really
been short of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
as I always like to try new and interesting things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, which has stuck with me more or less always, is listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Yes, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
pretty much all the time, unless,
of course
, I am sleeping. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
was passed
down from my parents, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
was born
. By the way, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
has followed me for the past 18 years. Anyway, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a number of benefits from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. The
first
benefit,
of course
, is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel happy and glad while getting rid of my frustration and worries about life.
Besides
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me understand my life and its goal in a larger frame of the present, past, and future.
Finally
, it
also
stimulates my mind and body to accomplish more in life.
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IELTS essay abouy hobby that you enjoy now

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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