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A significant increase of successful story persons which selected to establish their own (business) than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life rather than fix in a desk job.

A significant increase of successful story persons which selected to establish their own (business) than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life rather than fix in a desk job. PWDlK
A significant increase of successful story persons which selected to establish their own (business) than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life rather than fix in a desk job. From my point of view, although work for organization is stable and sustainable for everyone on the contrary if I have any chance I will select to start my own field. In addition, people persuade freedom for doing field such as they can decide their work in the best fields and use their own ability of skill to begin their affair. For example, many billionaires started their own enterprise comply with creativity and use modern technology to create products or services that popular in particular Apple companies by the well-known creator and producer Steve Job which left his university and kick off his work with his passion to sold electronic devices that entire of over the world use his products. On the contrary, a number of people adjust the person which self-employed with their own attitude about they can't achieve and do field without be in club first. Because they think about group can manage and contribute their work with their employee why make an easy thing to be difficult due to having burden risk and lack of employment opinions or without partner which properly able to consult. For instance a number of SMEs in Thailand face with bankrupt and dispose their product in uncontrollable situations. However, huge organization can survive. To summarize, it depends on personal view of work in party or self-employed. People can gambit with their purpose and preferable benefits of their life.
A significant increase of successful story persons which selected to establish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
(business) than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
in a desk job. From my point of view, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for organization is stable and sustainable for everyone
on the contrary
if I have any chance I will select to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
persuade freedom for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
such as they can decide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their affair.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
billionaires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
enterprise comply with creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern technology to create products or services that popular
in particular
Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
by the well-known creator and producer Steve Job which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his university and kick off his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with his passion to sold electronic devices that entire of over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his products.
On the contrary
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adjust the person which self-employed with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
attitude about they can't achieve and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
without be in club
first
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about group can manage and contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with their employee why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an easy thing to be difficult due to having burden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and lack of employment opinions or without partner which
properly
able to consult.
For instance
a number of SMEs in Thailand face with bankrupt and dispose their product in uncontrollable situations.
However
, huge organization can survive.
To summarize
, it depends on personal view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in party or self-employed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can gambit with their purpose and preferable benefits of their life.
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IELTS essay A significant increase of successful story persons which selected to establish their own (business) than willing to apply in the office, and this has meant that new generations can choose the challenge of their life rather than fix in a desk job.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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