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A sense of competitive and cooperation in children

A sense of competitive and cooperation in children EpY0D
As the world of psychology has been growing, people who have children tend to learn more about their kids’ behaviour. When the children are growing, there will be certain senses that the parents see in their children’s personalities. For example, most couples who have kids are always concerned about whether their children should have a sense of competition or cooperation. According to the aforementioned statement, some people believe that children should have a sense of competition. The sense generates children’s inclination to be stronger. Kids will handle pressured situations quite better compared to the ones who do not have the sense. When a child has a competitive personality, he can recognise his skills and try to solve his issues by himself. However, competitive behaviour will create an ambitious personality. The child might not want to hear people’s opinions, his family or friends’ points of view. He might become an individualist person as he grows up. On the other hand, some people still believe that teaching children to co-operate with their friends at kindergarten or schools will benefit them in the future. When cooperative kids play a game with their friends at school, the children might not judge their friends who make mistakes. Children who are taught to co-operate with their parents will likely have a high tolerance to other people around them. Furthermore, children can have a sense of togetherness between themselves and their loved ones. This inclination will lead a child to become a people person. The downside of having a cooperative personality is that the children will be too comfortable depending on other people, as well as it can generate a lack of solving their problems on their own. Children who are competitive or cooperative personalities have both positive and negative sides. As adults, people can teach them how to balance the sense of competition and cooperation to the children. Therefore kids can handle their issues by themselves in the future without reducing their tolerance to talk and co-operate with other people.
As the world of psychology has been growing,
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people
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who
have
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children
tend to learn more about their
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kids’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are growing, there will be certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senses
that the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personalities.
For example
, most couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are always concerned about whether their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition or cooperation.

According to the aforementioned statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
generates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
inclination to be stronger.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
will handle pressured situations quite better compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
. When a child has a competitive
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personality
, he can
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and try to solve his issues by himself.
However
, competitive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will create an ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
. The child might not want to hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinions, his family or
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friends’
points of view. He might become an individualist person as he grows up.

On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
still
believe that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to co-operate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at kindergarten or schools will benefit them in the future. When cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
play a game with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at school, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might not judge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes.
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Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are taught
to co-operate with their parents will likely have a high tolerance to
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other
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people
around them.
Furthermore
,
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children
can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of togetherness between themselves and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. This inclination will lead a child to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
person. The downside of having a cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be too comfortable depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
as well
as it can generate a lack of solving their problems on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Children
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who
are competitive or cooperative personalities have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides. As adults,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can teach them how to balance the
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sense
of competition and cooperation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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Therefore
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kids
can handle their issues by themselves in the future without reducing their tolerance to talk and co-operate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay A sense of competitive and cooperation in children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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