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Crime related news broadcasted in television is increasing and it has a negative impact on the people. To what extent do you agree?

Crime related news broadcasted in television is increasing and it has a negative impact on the people. 3xJ8b
Presently, the crime rates have hiked up overall in the world. Some people argue that it is caused by the influence of crime news broadcasted on television while others are against this notion. I strongly agree with the former opinion, as crime news has a bad effect on people. Nowadays, newspapers and electronic media hold power to impact people’s minds with the content that is shown on them. Therefore, crime scenes always surround and get much detail. Recently, a newspaper in India printed an article about bombing plans of a terrorist group which created terror among the citizens and caused commotion among them. Young people also follow the path of crime by watching violent broadcasts. For example, one teenager tried to flee the country to follow the path of terrorism after watching a television documentary on ISIS terrorist group. However, the police caught the young boy but he still attempted many crimes in his country. Why some people don't oppose this notion? It is believed by some people that getting updated on all news around the world is a basic human right. Hiding news is a hindrance to their right of knowledge. It is said that crime news is a source of warning people about the consequences that can be faced if crime is committed. For instance, many journalists support the idea of broadcasting the crime news and also state the figures of crime reduction after awareness among the people about crimes. To conclude, I believe crime reporting should always state correct facts to avoid unnecessary fear among people. There should be proper monitoring on telecasting of violent scenes to avoid adverse effects on the young minds. Therefore, I believe there are more demerits than merits and it does have a negative impact on people’s lives.
Presently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates have hiked up
overall
in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it
is caused
by the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
broadcasted on television while others are against this notion. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former opinion, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Nowadays, newspapers and electronic media hold power to impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds with the content that
is shown
on them.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
scenes always surround and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much detail. Recently, a newspaper in India printed an article about bombing plans of a terrorist group which created terror among the citizens and caused commotion among them. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
follow the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by watching violent broadcasts.
For example
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
tried to flee the country to follow the path of terrorism after watching a television documentary on ISIS terrorist group.
However
, the police caught the young boy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
still
attempted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in his country.

Why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't oppose this notion? It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that getting updated on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
around the world is a basic human right. Hiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is a hindrance to their right of knowledge. It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is a source of warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the consequences that can
be faced
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is committed
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
journalists support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of broadcasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
also
state the figures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
reduction after awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about crimes.

To conclude
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
reporting should always state correct facts to avoid unnecessary fear among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There should be proper monitoring on telecasting of violent scenes to avoid adverse effects on the young minds.
Therefore
, I believe there are more demerits than merits and it does have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Crime related news broadcasted in television is increasing and it has a negative impact on the people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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