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A section of society believes that it is important for children to be independent just as their choices ought to be them as it were. While others disagree with it. What is your opinion?

A section of society believes that it is important for children to be independent just as their choices ought to be them as it were. While others disagree with it. What is your opinion? 0AEkq
The paradigm shift in the lifestyle has changed the way parents nurture their off-springs. Owing to which a section of society contends that it is imperative for children to become self-dependent as well as their decisions should be made by them only. However, others are in disaccord with this. A question that arises is that, which ideology is worth supporting? I vehemently believe that former will be more fruitful for them. This essay intends to elucidate reasons along with relevant illustrations behind complete accordance with this notion. Improvement in decision making skill, is the most significant benefit associated with children being independent and making their decision by themselves. Since this avail children to gain enough experience to make viable and wise decisions in future or during rainy days, which help them to run their life smoothly as they become familiar with it at an early stage of their life. Eventually, they become responsible than others. It has been revealed in a Hindustan Times newspaper that study conducted on over hundred adults revealed that, sixty among them have better decision-making skill than other forty and the reason being behind it is that during their childhood their parents gave them freedom to make decision. Thus, this aids children to be more responsible and attain better skills. Additionally, children who decide for themselves develop a solution-oriented approach. This become support system for them during any problem as they acquire the ability of solving their life issues independently. Along with it they do not rely on others to come out of the trouble and with their own efforts they tackle and solve it wisely. Moreover, they can also distinguish easily what is wrong or right for them. It has been revealed in a survey conducted by University of London, in the year 2017, that children who are overly protected by their parents and their important decisions are not being made by them are fifty percent more likely to face stress in future because of their wrong decisions towards problem. Hence, children should decide for themselves and should be given independence by parents to be self-reliant. That being said, owing to the reason such as polished decision-making skills and self-reliant behavior, I entirely accord with given ideology.
The paradigm shift in the lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nurture their off-springs. Owing to which a section of society contends that it is imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
self-dependent
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
should
be made
by them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
However
, others are in
Possible spelling mistake found.
disaccord
with this. A question that arises is that, which ideology is worth supporting? I
vehemently
believe that former will be more fruitful for them. This essay intends to elucidate reasons along with relevant illustrations behind complete accordance with this notion.

Improvement in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, is the most significant benefit associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being independent and making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by themselves. Since this avail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
viable and wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in future or during rainy days, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to run their life
smoothly
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with it at an early stage of their life.
Eventually
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Use "(responsible)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
responsible
than others. It has
been revealed
in a Hindustan Times newspaper that study conducted on over hundred adults revealed that, sixty among them have better decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forty and the reason being behind it is that during their childhood their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
gave them freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
Thus
, this aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more responsible and attain better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who decide for themselves develop a solution-oriented approach. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
support system for them during any problem as they acquire the ability of solving their life issues
independently
. Along with
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they do not rely on others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the trouble and with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts they tackle and solve it
wisely
.
Moreover
, they can
also
distinguish
easily
what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right for them. It has
been revealed
in a survey conducted by University of London, in the year 2017, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
overly
protected by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are not
being made
by them are fifty percent more likely to face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
towards problem.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should decide for themselves and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
independence by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be self-reliant.

That
being said
, owing to the reason such as polished decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and self-reliant behavior, I
entirely
accord with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
ideology.
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IELTS essay A section of society believes that it is important for children to be independent just as their choices ought to be them as it were. While others disagree with it. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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