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A recent study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found that employees with paid sick leave are 28 percent less likely to be involved in a work-related accident than employees who do not receive payment for sick leave. Researchers hypothesiz

A recent study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found that employees with paid sick leave are 28 percent less likely to be involved in a work-related accident than employees who do not receive payment for sick leave. Researchers hypothesiz WyGma
The article states that employees with paid sick leave are less engaged in work-related accident than employees without it. The argument for this position is based on a study made by the Center of Diseases Control which shows the percentage of employees included in work accident. While this argument seems convincing on first glance, there are significant underlying flaws that raise doubt about the article conclusion. One piece of evidence provided is that employees with unpaid sick leave feel pressured to work during time of illness. However, there are some potential problems with relying on this information. It is reasonable to believe that it exists employees who do not receive paid sick leave do not mind working under this condition. Moreover, it is acceptable they need to work so that they afford their families or they like that sort of work. Also, time of illness is not clear. Even if there is a time when a virus comes and start affecting the employees, it is reasonable to accept it might not affect everybody. It may affect just whose receive paid sick leave. However, It is unlikely to believe that there is a time of illness. Likewise, the evidence that job accidents are spurred by impaired judgment or motor-skills due to illness or illness-related medications is ambiguous. First, it does not necessarily mean that any disease is related to job. It might have started at home, for example cold, and it got worst later. Second, if it is related to medications, obviously it is not related to the job. Furthermore, it would be worth if the employee had been to the doctor and had taken the doctor’s receipt to show to the boss. Finally, the article states that the highest occupation showed the highest discrepancy between with and without paid leave. However, this evidence is not convinced because there is no the highest-risk occupation. In any work, every sort of occupations are the highest-risk. For example, in the construction, an employee may fall from the building or elevator. Similarly, an employee which work is driving either a car or a motorcycle may be involved in an motorcycle accident. Owing to the above reasons, it is not a strong conclusion to make. If the article were to provide greater evidence regarding the pressure felt by the employees with unpaid sick leave, the job accidents spurred by impaired judgment or motor-skills, and the highest discrepancy showed by the highest occupation, the argument would be more convincing.
The
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article
states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
are less engaged in work-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
without it. The argument for this position
is based
on a study made by the Center of Diseases Control which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
included in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
. While this argument seems convincing
Did you mean "at"?
on
first
glance, there are significant underlying flaws that raise doubt about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
conclusion.

One piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
provided is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with unpaid sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
feel pressured to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of illness.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential problems with relying on this information. It is reasonable to believe that it exists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who do not receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
do not mind working under this condition.
Moreover
, it is acceptable they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they afford their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families or
they like that sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of illness is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
. Even if there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when a virus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, it is reasonable to accept it might not affect everybody. It may
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
whose receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
.
However
, It is unlikely to believe that there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of illness.

Likewise
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are spurred
by impaired judgment or motor-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
due to illness or illness-related medications is ambiguous.
First
, it does not
necessarily
mean that any disease
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at home,
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
later. Second, if it
is related
to medications,
obviously
it is not related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Furthermore
, it would be worth if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
had been to the doctor and had taken the doctor’s receipt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to the boss.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
states that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the highest discrepancy between with and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
is not convinced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
the highest-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
. In any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, every sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
the highest-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
For example
, in the construction, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
may fall from the building or elevator.
Similarly
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is driving either a car or a motorcycle may
be involved
in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
motorcycle accident.

Owing to the above reasons, it is not a strong conclusion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
were to provide greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
regarding the pressure felt by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with unpaid sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
spurred by impaired judgment or motor-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and the highest discrepancy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
by the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
, the argument would be more convincing.
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IELTS essay A recent study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found that employees with paid sick leave are 28 percent less likely to be involved in a work-related accident than employees who do not receive payment for sick leave. Researchers hypothesiz

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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