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A piece of jewelry or a ticket for a concert?

A piece of jewelry or a ticket for a concert? KwY0k
If somebody is giving away gift money with two choices of, jewelry or a ticket of concert, many people will raise their eyebrows in an awe. Its attitude of the people which decides, how and when to spend the money. Some enjoys the music, so they will buy a ticket. Some, like me, believes in an investment so will buy a piece of jewelry. I would like to substantiate my conclusion from following perspective. First, if I am considering to buy a jewelry, I will do my math like What type of jewel I want to buy? What will be its cost after 5 years? Is it really worth of spending money in this type of jewelry? Usually, after deciding market value, I buy jewelry. Diamond and gold jewelries are always my weak point. I believe in “saving money for rainy days. ” In converse, if I buy a ticket of concert, its value is not going to be same after 5 years. Investing money in good thing, like jewel is a thrift idea. Second, now a days, young generation believes in “live a life, like a king” and keep on forgetting that we need to save money for our retirement. On this point, some people will say” we are very young for that” but in my view, “it takes a long to fill the ocean. ” Though I am a big fan of music, I would rather go for an investment. My collection of jewelry is huge and I always like to add some elegant pieces. I attend many different functions like marriage, parties. I go to the official meeting. On all these occasions, I need jewelry according the venue. In that case I need more collection. But when ever I invest, I do it wisely. In a nutshell, in my opinion, one should think about the future. Prosperous life comes only after saving. Instead of a concert, saving money in a piece of jewel will always be a thoughtful idea. Considering all the points above, I will visit a jewelry shop, rather than spending an evening for a concert.
If somebody is giving away gift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with two choices of,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
or a ticket of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will raise their eyebrows in an awe. Its attitude of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which decides, how and when to spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
enjoys the music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a ticket.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
, like me, believes in an investment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
. I would like to substantiate my conclusion from following perspective.

First
, if I am considering to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
, I will do my math like What type of jewel I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
? What will be its cost after 5 years? Is it
really
worth of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
?
Usually
, after deciding market value, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
. Diamond and gold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelries
are always my weak point. I believe in “saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for rainy days. ” In converse, if I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a ticket of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, its value is not going to be same after 5 years. Investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing, like jewel is a thrift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Second,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
, young generation believes in “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life, like a king” and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on forgetting that we need to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for our retirement. On this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will say” we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young for that”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my view, “it takes a long to fill the ocean. ” Though I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of music, I would
rather
go for an investment. My collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
is huge and I always like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elegant pieces. I attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
functions like marriage, parties. I go to the official meeting. On all these occasions, I need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
according the venue.
In that case
I need more collection.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when ever I invest, I do it
wisely
.

In a nutshell, in my opinion, one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the future. Prosperous life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after saving.
Instead
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a piece of jewel will always be a thoughtful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Considering all the points above, I will visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jewelry
shop,
rather
than spending an evening for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
.
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IELTS essay A piece of jewelry or a ticket for a concert?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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