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a lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income

a lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income w7BBq
On the one hand, tourism exerts several detrimental impacts on our lives. Firstly, it cause some kinds of contamination such as water, soil and air pollution. As there are a large number of visitors who need to move from one place to others, they use various means of transport such as plane, cars and boat which cause emission. While travelling, tourists bring bottles, plastic bags and cans then throw them away, discharging lots of watse. Secondly, natural resources such as forest, water, wildlife is being seriously depleted. The demand for the constrution of hotels, resorts and golf course can lead to deforestration. Moreover, a considerable number of tourists require food and water for swimming pool and the daily use which result in the overexploitation of animals and the overuse of water, disturbing the world’s natural ecology.
On the one hand, tourism exerts several detrimental impacts on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, it
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of contamination such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, soil and air pollution. As there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
visitors who need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to others, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various means of transport such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
, cars and boat which cause emission. While travelling, tourists bring bottles, plastic bags and cans then throw them away, discharging lots of
Possible spelling mistake found.
watse
.
Secondly
, natural resources such as forest,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, wildlife is being
seriously
depleted. The demand for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
constrution
of hotels, resorts and golf course can lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
deforestration
.
Moreover
, a considerable number of tourists require food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for swimming pool and the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
which result in the overexploitation of animals and the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, disturbing the world’s natural ecology.
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IELTS essay a lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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