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A lot of people think people are being over dependent on phones and the internet? Do you agree?

A lot of people think people are being over dependent on phones and the internet? Do you agree? bBeW
Nowadays many people cannot imagine in their life without phones and internet. A lot of people rely on mobile phones and online. I completely agree in this view. It is a huge relevant in our social life. In a fast moving world people use a lot mobile phones and internet. They are being over dependent mobiles and network. To begin with, there are many reasons why people use the internet. One is good other is bad. Utilizing the website and phones depend on correct way and incorrect way. Correct way is using the online or telephones for instance, education system social interaction a foreign friends and etc. Using the website has increased among the school-age children and teenagers. They spent their valuable time on the internet and mobiles. As a result, they do not study and they cannot pass the exams. As a consequence, their level of studying was fallen into lower and lower and parents worried about this circumstances. In addition, using the network, has also disadvantageous sides. In this way parents should not give phones and limit using the internet for their children. The reasons way, young children do not know correct ways using the internet. If parents give mobile phones in their children they tend to play different games such as: PUBG COUNTER and etc. Today people are disconnected from their relatives just because they are on the internet In the past, there was no internet, and people were very kind to each other. By the way of conclusion, using the internet offer advantages to the country neither should be as a preference over the other have a degree of value to society.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot imagine in their life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and online. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
in this view. It is a huge relevant in our social life. In a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and internet. They are being over dependent mobiles and network. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet. One is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
other is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Utilizing the website and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
depend on correct way and incorrect way. Correct way is using the online or telephones
for instance
, education system social interaction a foreign friends
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. Using the website has increased among the school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They spent their valuable time on the internet and mobiles.
As a result
, they do not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they cannot pass the exams. As a consequence, their level of studying
was fallen
into lower and lower and parents worried about
Did you mean "these"?
this
circumstances.
In addition
, using the network, has
also
disadvantageous sides. In this way parents should not give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and limit using the internet for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The reasons way, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not know correct ways using the internet. If parents give mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they tend to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
games such as: PUBG COUNTER
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are disconnected
from their relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are on the internet In the past, there was no internet, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kind to each other. By the way of conclusion, using the internet offer advantages to the country neither should be as a preference over the other have a degree of value to society.

IELTS essay A lot of people think people are being over dependent on phones and the internet? Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
276 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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