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A lot of people are moving from rural areas to urban areas. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon?

A lot of people are moving from rural areas to urban areas. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon? XElpO
To begin with, we have seen a trend among masses for shifting towards city centres. To be more precise, this move helps them to get higher salaries and as a result helps them to achieve bigger horizons in community. For example, a recent study shows that incomes of people who have shifted to urban areas have grown up in many fold which helped them to pursue their financial goals in early age. Achieving these goals encouraged them to be better contributors to society. Secondly, shifting to cities has a lot of challenges as well. As myriad of people shifting to these places, leading to hefty density concentration to certain specific regions, resulting in increased pollution and creating economical imbalance. Recently, the American government has encouraged the industries to establish themselves in rural areas to maintain pollution and population density imbalance, leading to a better living and working environment at country side. To conclude, living in urban area can be advantageous from a career prospective and reaching one’s financial goal. Whereas it has deleterious consequences of economical imbalance.
To
begin
with, we have
seen
a trend among masses for shifting towards city
centres
. To be more precise, this
move
helps
them to
get
higher salaries and
as a result
helps
them to achieve bigger horizons in community.
For example
, a recent study
shows
that incomes of
people
who have shifted to urban areas have grown up in
many fold
which
helped
them to pursue their financial goals in early age. Achieving these goals encouraged them to be better contributors to society.

Secondly
, shifting to cities has
a lot of
challenges
as well
. As myriad of
people
shifting to these places, leading to hefty density concentration to certain specific regions, resulting in increased pollution and creating economical imbalance. Recently, the American
government
has encouraged the industries to establish themselves in rural areas to maintain pollution and population density imbalance, leading to a better living and working environment at country side.

To conclude
, living in urban area can be advantageous from a career prospective and reaching one’s financial goal.
Whereas
it has deleterious consequences of economical imbalance.
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IELTS essay A lot of people are moving from rural areas to urban areas. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
177 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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