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A live performance or television broadcast.

A live performance or television broadcast. kYjbK
In this world, many people are big fan of live performances. They do all sorts of things, just to get a ticket of a concert or a football match. I belong to other type of people who like to stay home and enjoy performance from living room. Even though, I am a huge fan of music and sports, I like to enjoy concert or performance on TV. I would like to substantiate my decision from following perspective. First of all, attending a performance needs a lot of preparation which includes, buying tickets, taking time off from other activities, planing for transportation. If show is in another town, means one need to look for an accommodation. Somehow, I find all these things inappropriate just for one show. Last weekend, my friends went to attend a music concert in neighboring town. Due to show, all streets were full of people. It was so crowded, they could not even drive the car. They had to park car at location which was very far from the actual venue. It was a big hassle. After the show, they did not get any public transportation to go to the car and they had to walk long again. Second, the seating arrangement can greatly affect the comfort of watching the show. If your seat is far away from stage or playground, people's heads and cheers will distract you from viewing the show, and in the end you do not even know whom you have seen in the play or who wins in a sports event. I like my comfortable couch where I can sit or sleep as per my wish. Now a days, we can record the show for later watch. I do not have this convenience in a live performance. Third, I think, it is economical and safe to watch show from home. When I say economical, it means we save a lot of money on tickets, outside food, gas and other expenses. During a sport event, your safety might be jeopardize. Sometimes, people get too excited about the event and become a mob. Chances are stampede can happen due to rumors. For example, last year in India, after a cricket match somebody has spread the rumor of live electric wire and women started to run without giving second thought. Many people died in the stampede. By staying home you can avoid all these circumstances. All in all. I am in favor of comfort and easiness. I will stay home safe and sound rather than worrying about unnecessary things.
In this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
. They do all sorts of things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a ticket of a concert or a football match. I belong to other type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to stay home and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
from living room.
Even though
, I am a huge fan of music and sports, I like to enjoy concert or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
on TV. I would like to substantiate my decision from following perspective.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
preparation which includes, buying tickets, taking time off from other activities, planing for transportation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
is in another town, means one need to look for
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
. Somehow, I find all these things inappropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
. Last weekend, my friends went to attend a music concert in neighboring town. Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, all streets were full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crowded, they could not even drive the car. They had to park car at location which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far from the actual venue. It was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hassle. After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any public transportation to go to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
car and
they had to walk long again.

Second, the seating arrangement can
greatly
affect the comfort of watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
. If your seat is far away from stage or playground,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's heads and cheers will distract you from viewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
you do not even know whom you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the play or who wins in a sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. I like my comfortable couch where I can sit or sleep as per my wish.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
, we can record the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
for later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. I do not have this convenience in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
performance.

Third, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it is economical and safe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
from home. When I say economical, it means we save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on tickets, outside food, gas and other expenses. During a sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, your safety might be
Consider using the past participle "jeopardized"?
jeopardize
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too excited about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and become a mob. Chances are stampede can happen due to rumors.
For example
, last year in India, after a cricket match somebody has spread the rumor of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
electric wire and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to run without giving second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in the stampede. By staying home you can avoid all these circumstances.

All in all. I am in favor of comfort and easiness. I will stay home safe and sound
rather
than worrying about unnecessary things.
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IELTS essay A live performance or television broadcast.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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