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A little proportion of people believes that competition is important and promote in children.

A little proportion of people believes that competition is important and promote in children. Instead, others suppose that kids need to learn the skills of being cooperative in order to lead more useful life during adulthood. While competition plays a vital role in everyone’s life, cooperation is more important and valued to learn the skills related to socialization. BODY PARA-1 Some people think that competition plays an imperative role in the lives of children and they need to be pushed in order to live a more successful life. This provides zeal to thrive for better in various dimensions of life. This gives a sense of satisfaction when they reach towards later stages of life. As per the recent study conducted by British Psychological Association, 65 percent of the juvenile who were introduced the concept of competitiveness were more successful in terms of professional life. Instead of this facts and figures, I would like to argue that the growth of a child does not only need race in which he or she continuously runs endlessly but also cooperation is far important to live a happy and blessed life. BODY PARA-2 On the other hand, if a child learns the skills of being cooperative towards everything they do. This provides traits like empathy, team-workers, non-judgmental, and good listeners. These characteristics are necessary to tackle with the outer world in a more subtle way. As per the study conducted by Harvard Business School, 70 percent of the employees who used to cooperate with other team members were far more likely to excel in most of the projects assigned to them and the percent of competitive people’s success rate was 62 percent. Conclusion: In conclusion, while inculcate a sense of competition in children may help them to succeed. Instead, I think that teaching children the skills of being cooperative provide them the confidence to work effectively and efficiently as a part of team.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and promote in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Instead
, others suppose that kids need to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of being cooperative in order to lead more useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
during adulthood. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
plays a vital role in everyone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, cooperation is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and valued to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
related to socialization.

BODY PARA-1

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
plays an imperative role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and they need to
be pushed
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This provides zeal to thrive for better in various dimensions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This gives a sense of satisfaction when they reach towards later stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As per the recent study conducted by British Psychological Association, 65 percent of the juvenile who
were introduced
the concept of competitiveness were more successful in terms of professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Instead
of this facts and figures, I would like to argue that the growth of a child does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need race in which he or she
continuously
runs
endlessly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
cooperation is far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy and blessed life.

BODY PARA-2

On the other hand
, if a child learns the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of being cooperative towards everything they do. This provides traits like empathy, team-workers, non-judgmental, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
listeners. These characteristics are necessary to tackle with the outer world in a more subtle way. As per the study conducted by Harvard Business School, 70 percent of the employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cooperate with other team members were far more likely to excel in most of the projects assigned to them and the percent of competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s success rate was 62 percent.

Conclusion:

In conclusion
, while inculcate a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to succeed.
Instead
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of being cooperative provide them the confidence to work
effectively
and
efficiently
as a part of team.
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IELTS essay A little proportion of people believes that competition is important and promote in children.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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