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Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the name of God Some experts believe working and earning money is useful for students. In this case they will gain exclusive experience about work also it helps them learning responsibility. Some people On the other hand believe teenagers shouldn’t work instead of rest in youth and start working after graduation. This essay agrees that it’s better for student to work alongside studying. This article firstly discusses working familiarize students with the work environment in advance secondly, discuss however, working reduce their free time have more benefit for them and society. It is clear that working provide a valuable work experience that leads to Graduates find a good job with high salary easily. Moreover, they realize whether they like their carriers or not. Based on the research conducted in Iran in 2019 about 70% of employees face with job satisfaction problem that leads to increase the number of depressed patient and level of Violence. However, many disagree and fell that working deprives student of enjoying youth. Enjoying life is one of the most basic needs that increase the person’s efficiency and grow society faster. Despite this, employed students still have enough free time to spend time with their friends or have fun and it needs a good planning. Thus this essay disagrees working should be dismissed for this reason. Furthermore, unemployed students have lots of free time that they don’t know how to spend them so This causes corruption in the society. For instance, Drug use and doing dangerous work and illegal competitions are the most common doing that we observe in the city. In conclusion, while working help student in future and provide a better position in their life, some still feel that student shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. However as long as we keep in mind the importance of gaining experience and how short life is, the working benefits are obviously positive.
In the name of God

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and earning money is useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In this case
they will gain exclusive experience about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them learning responsibility.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
On the other hand
believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
shouldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of rest in youth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after graduation. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that it’s better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alongside studying. This article
firstly
discusses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
familiarize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment in advance
secondly
, discuss
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
have more benefit for them and society.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
provide a valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience that leads to Graduates find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job with high salary
easily
.
Moreover
, they realize whether they like their carriers or not. Based on the research conducted in Iran in 2019 about 70% of employees face with job satisfaction problem that leads to increase the number of depressed patient and level of Violence.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagree and fell that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
deprives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
of enjoying youth. Enjoying life is one of the most basic needs that increase the person’s efficiency and grow society faster. Despite this, employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends or have fun and it needs a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
planning.
Thus
this essay disagrees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
should
be dismissed
for this reason
.
Furthermore
, unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have lots of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that they don’t know how to spend them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This causes corruption in the society.
For instance
, Drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and illegal competitions are the most common doing that we observe in the city.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in future and provide a better position in their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
as long as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind the importance of gaining experience and how short life is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
benefits are
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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