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A large number of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children .Many people believe that this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. Do you agree or disagree.

A large number of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people believe that this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. rQ1m
Currently, a large amount of advertising is aimed at adolescents and some people feel that it should be banned because it has detrimental effects on teenagers. Personally, I agree with the above notion that there should be a ban on this trend. First of all, I admit that choosing children as the target for marketing strategies are deleterious to both individuals and their parents. As, advertising companies mostly choose TV actors and models to promote their products because teenagers are easily get influenced by them and they want to buy the products because they think it is better for them as their role models are advertising it and due to this, they insist their parents to buy these and thus, it can upset the budget of many families. For example, every year Apple introduce new versions of their products and by doing so, they can simply attract adolescents to buy their products, and as a result it can creates some disturbance between parents and teenagers because they are quite expensive and their parents can not afford it due to lower budget. Moreover, I also consider that it has a great negative impact on youngster’s health because advertisements of junk food and snacks, sometime misleads the teenagers and they also hide the truth behind their products. For example, ads of instant noodles and soft drinks on TV are often known as unhealthy food but the way of their representation by colourful pictures and characteristics, put pressure on children to eat them by the knowing the facts that they are unhealthy for them and may cause serious problems such as obesity and diabetes. In conclusion, we can see that advertising is targeted at children has some negative effects because it can affect the budget of their parents and their health, which can create some serious issues for them in future, therefore, I also think that it should be restricted.
Currently
, a large amount of advertising
is aimed
at adolescents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that it should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above notion that there should be a ban on this trend.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I admit that choosing children as the target for marketing strategies are deleterious to both individuals and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. As, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
mostly
choose TV actors and models to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better for them as their role models are advertising it and due to this, they insist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these and
thus
, it can upset the budget of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families.
For example
, every year Apple introduce new versions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can
simply
attract adolescents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and
as a result
it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "create"
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disturbance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are quite expensive and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can not afford it due to lower budget.

Moreover
, I
also
consider that it has a great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on youngster’s health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
advertisements of junk food and snacks, sometime misleads the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teenagers and
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the truth behind their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, ads of instant noodles and soft drinks on TV are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
known as unhealthy food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the way of their representation by
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
pictures and characteristics, put pressure on children to eat them by the knowing the facts that they are unhealthy for them and may cause serious problems such as obesity and diabetes.

In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that advertising
is targeted
at children has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can affect the budget of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their health, which can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues for them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
,
therefore
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it should
be restricted
.
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IELTS essay A large number of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people believe that this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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