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A large number of advertisements are are nowadays targeted two children some people says that therefore this advertisements are banned to what extend do you agree or disagree

A large number of advertisements are are nowadays targeted two children some people says that therefore this advertisements are banned GMR0o
Advertising is a key part of modern business. In the present era advertisements are easily targeting kids. On the other side, many masses think that advertisements are are banned because it is harmful for children. However, I completely disagree with this idea because advertisement is useful for several purposes. To start with, in the modern era without advertising there would be higher unemployment. To say it, multinational companies need more and more worker to tell customers about their products. Advertising provides various options but without advertising very less choise as well as masses enjoy adverts as it is a very creative industry. For example a survey was conducted by an Oxford University in year 2019 and found that 75% citizens of the America watch advertising in their spare time and this leads to individuals feel very relax. Furthermore, advertisement it provides us with information on new products. Many advertisements are related to the social issue. In consequences banned advertising is not a good way and manner. However, there are some negative impact of advertising on kids sometime children put pressure on parents to buy them things. For instance, an article published in_' The Times'_ revealed that in year 2018 in the England 58% of kids overweight because they watch advertisements related to the fast food this leads to obesity. In conclusion, advertisement provides much more positive effects than negative so, banned advertisement is not good but, government should take some actions on false information or products that are harmful for off springs.
Advertising is a key part of modern business. In the present era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
easily
targeting kids. On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
are banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is harmful for children.
However
, I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is useful for several purposes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in the modern era without advertising there would be higher unemployment. To say it, multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need more and
Use only "worker" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more worker
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
customers about their products. Advertising provides various options
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
Possible spelling mistake found.
choise
as well
as masses enjoy adverts as it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
creative industry.
For example
a survey
was conducted
by an Oxford University in year 2019 and found that 75% citizens of the America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
advertising in their spare time and this leads to individuals feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relax.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
it provides us with information on new products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are related
to the social issue. In consequences banned advertising is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way and manner.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of advertising on kids sometime children put pressure on parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them things.
For instance
, an article published in_' The Times'_ revealed that in year 2018 in the England 58% of kids overweight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
related to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food this leads to obesity.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
provides much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, banned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions on false information or products that are harmful for off springs.
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IELTS essay A large number of advertisements are are nowadays targeted two children some people says that therefore this advertisements are banned

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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