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Today, the expensive price of popular consumer products is because of the power of advertising and not real needs of people. Do you agree or disagree?

Today, the expensive price of popular consumer products is because of the power of advertising and not real needs of people. Nr9Xj
In today's society, human beings live differently than they used to be. People consume various expensive products they actually don't in need for. This situation can be attributed to many things, the power of advertisement being one of them. In ancient times, a human only needed food to eat, a place to sleep and water to clean himself/herself. Today, our perception of what we need is totally changed. For example, many people have more than one TV at their house and clothes that they've never worn before. Firstly, humanity comes from a state of poverty and storing things we don't actually need is a result of this. Some sociologists say that this behaviour is encoded in our DNA. Knowing there is no changing that, one must try to be more responsible about what they buy. Secondly, we live in a world that more and more people have to face poverty every day. For example, instead of purchasing a new iPad people should donate that amount to charity organizations. In addition to that, I must point out the power of advertisement. Big companies spend tons of their money on advertising and there is a logic behind that. Most of these companies know how vulnerable the human brain is. In fact, they design the main points of the commercials according to that. When they get to customer's brain there is a certain urge form. While the urge makes consumers want to purchase things they don't need, the products they sell are almost always there. Capitalism designed trusting on such behaviours. In conclusion, consuming is a trending habit of people. This can be attributed to many aspects of human behaviour as well as the power of advertising.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Use "(differently)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
differently
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
consume various expensive products they actually don't in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for. This situation can
be attributed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things, the power of advertisement being one of them.

In ancient times, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
needed food to eat, a place to sleep and water to clean himself/herself.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, our perception of what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more than one TV at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and clothes that they've never worn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Firstly
, humanity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a state of poverty and storing things we don't actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is a result of this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sociologists say that this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is encoded
in our DNA. Knowing there is no changing that, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to be more responsible about what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face poverty every day.
For example
,
instead
of purchasing a new iPad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should donate that amount to charity organizations.

In addition
to that, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
point out the power of advertisement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
spend tons of their money on advertising and there is a logic behind that. Most of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
know how vulnerable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
brain is. In fact, they design the main points of the commercials according to that.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to customer's brain there is a certain urge form. While the urge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
consumers want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things they don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, the products they sell are almost always there.

Capitalism designed trusting on such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

In conclusion
, consuming is a trending habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This can
be attributed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as well
as the power of advertising.
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IELTS essay Today, the expensive price of popular consumer products is because of the power of advertising and not real needs of people.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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