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A high-paying job vs. quality spare time

A high-paying job vs. quality spare time yXgBE
Each year, many students graduated from school and are seeking job. Many of them aim at working for the high-pay job with high working hours. Some people show special interest in the high-pay job, while other are more willing to working for low-pay job. Of course, every individual has his own opinion about the strengths and weakness when it comes to serving in the low-pay job or the high-pay job one; for me, my choice is definitely to the high-pay job. Now let’s use the analysis of “SWOT”, which was always employed in the field of economics and management science to get the problem solved. Here, S stands for “strengths”, W for “weakness”, o for “opportunities” and T for “target”. In this analysis, the influences of one or more of strength, target and opportunity can outweigh weakness. 1. The high-pay job offers many advantages that are helpful to supplying my expenses such as tuition fee, transportation fares, costs of clothes, and other daily needs. The high-pay job and affluent me to go to Cinema, Football Stadium and other entertainments. In short, the low-pay job will deprive me from many things that money could buy. 2. Besides, in our worlds high-pay job brings many characteristics such as prestige, attraction, good-manner, lively and even personality. The people have little time to evaluate and think about our life and they think what they see. 3. Finally, in the high-pay job you will be given more opportunities to bring up my child with better utilities and sending them to non-profit schools. When speaking of the weaknesses, everything is a double-edged sword. In the high-pay job, there might be little time to spend with my friends and my family, but compared with the strengths and the opportunities mentioned above, it can be ignored. When it comes to the target, you, as a high-paid worker will be more likely to motorize your target because of the strength of money to come over many problems. All that I have said above boils down to the conclusion that if you have and choice to opt for high-pay job or low-pay job you should choose the high-pay job for its ability to make you affluent.
Each year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students graduated from school and are seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them aim at working for the high-pay
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job
with high working hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
special interest in the high-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while other are more willing to working for low-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Of course
, every individual has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weakness
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to serving in the low-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or the high-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
one; for me, my choice is definitely to the high-pay job.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
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let
’s
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use
the analysis of “SWOT”, which was always employed in the field of economics and management science to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the problem solved. Here, S stands for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“strengths”
, W for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“weakness”
, o for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“opportunities”
and T for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“target”
. In this analysis, the influences of one or more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
can outweigh
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weakness. 1
. The high-pay
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job
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that are helpful to supplying my expenses such as tuition fee, transportation fares, costs of clothes, and other daily needs. The high-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and affluent me to go to Cinema, Football Stadium and other entertainments. In short, the low-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
The usual collocation for "deprive" is "of" not "me". Did you mean "deprive me of"?
deprive me from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that money could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

2.
Besides
, in our worlds high-pay
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job
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
characteristics such as prestige, attraction,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-manner, lively and even personality. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to evaluate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

3.
Finally
, in the high-pay
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job
you will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to bring up my child with better utilities and sending them to non-profit schools.

When speaking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaknesses
, everything is a double-edged sword. In the high-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to spend with my friends and my family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
compared with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
mentioned above, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
, you, as a high-paid worker will be more likely to motorize your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

All that I have said above boils down to the conclusion that if you have and choice to opt for high-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or low-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you should choose the high-pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for its ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you affluent.
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IELTS essay A high-paying job vs. quality spare time

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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