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TPO 8 q 2, TV advertisement directed toward the children should not be allowed.

TPO 8 q 2, TV advertisement directed toward the children should not be allowed. OVEbp
Television Advertising can be considered as the main tool for marketing in recent decade. Nowadays, it is commonly accepted that the each age should have a specific kind of strategy for advertising including kids. Contrary to this belief there are still those who argue that commercial advertises should not attack to young children with the goal of take advantages from their ages. I, to a great extent, agree with this idea that direct advertises toward kids have negative effect on their behavior and attitudes and should be restricted. First aspect to point out is that kids have very limitted informations about the product, so it lead to make mistake very easily. While, some companies want to make dirty money by attacking to weak points of kids by giving them wrong data about their products, such as foods, toys, dresses, etc. It is obviouse that the childeren accept their attractive sentences and fascinate to their f**king product. Another significant point which should be taken into consideration is that advertises make more discussion between parents and children. If a product looks nice, beautiful and cool the kids accept that as the best one to buy; however, it is not true and the parents know about the reality behind a colorful advertises as well. Therefore, the children want to have these attractive product by forcing their parents. On the other hand, parents do not accept to buy a low quality harmful products which have negative influence on their kids and it lead to some harsh discussion. These kind of discussion always make the relationship between kids and parents worse and worse. Finally yet importantly, advertises may learn false lesson to the children. Each of the commercial advertises constructed based on some repetitive sentences which may give incorrect information to kids. For example, I saw an advertise about a fast food that induce to the minds of children the advantages of pasta and encourage them to eat more and more. It may increase weight of the kids and change their food program. It would has really hazardous effect on the health and growing rate of the young kids. On the basis of the points mentioned above, I am convinced that there should be some laws in order to forbid advertisment toward young children. Their low level information of goods, creat discussion with parent and take wrong ideas in their mind can be stated as the main disadvantages of having special advertising for the kids.
Television Advertising can
be considered
as the main tool for marketing in recent decade. Nowadays, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
age should have a specific kind of strategy for advertising including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. Contrary to this belief there are
still
those who argue that commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
should not attack to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the goal of take advantages from their ages. I, to a great extent,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their behavior and attitudes and should
be restricted
.

First
aspect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
out is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
limitted
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
mistake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
dirty money by attacking to weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by giving them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
data about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, such as foods, toys, dresses, etc. It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
obviouse
that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
accept their attractive sentences and fascinate to their f**king product.

Another significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
which should
be taken
into consideration is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
looks nice,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and cool the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
accept that as the best one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
;
however
, it is not true and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know about the reality behind
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a colorful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
as well
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to have these attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
by forcing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not accept to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a low quality harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
worse and worse.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
yet
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
may learn false lesson to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Each of the commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertises
constructed based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
repetitive sentences which may give incorrect information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an
The word 'advertise' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "advertisement"?
advertise
about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food that induce to the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the advantages of pasta and encourage them to eat more and more. It may increase weight of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their food program. It would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
really
hazardous effect on the health and growing rate of the young kids.

On the basis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
mentioned above, I
am convinced
that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws in order to forbid
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisment
toward young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Their low level information of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
creat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in their mind can
be stated
as the main disadvantages of having special advertising for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
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IELTS essay TPO 8 q 2, TV advertisement directed toward the children should not be allowed.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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