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a heath problem that once happened to you

a heath problem that once happened to you L3PxR
Last year, my class had a camping day in Thai Hai Village. All of the students and teachers in my school can participate in these outdoor activities. It was a very happy day for me to play with my friends. But after that day, I had a sore throat and the flu because I talked too much and I was out in the sun without a hat. I would say that it was so terrible. I feel tired and weak. I can't do anything during that time. During that time, I couldn't do anything, but my parents took me to the clinic, and the doctor gave me some advice to make me feel better. I can't drink cold water and have to rinse my mouth with salt water and supplement with vitamins from food and fruit. I didn't drink cold water; I washed my mouth with salt water. In particular, I have to take a lot of medicines. It's very. . . horrible. Nevertheless, thanks to the medicine, I feel better now. I feel very healthy and I can do a lot of things again. After that time, I was more careful about taking care of my health.
Last year, my
class
had a camping day in Thai
Hai
Village.
All of the
students and teachers in my school can participate in these outdoor activities. It was a
very
happy day for me to play with my friends.
But
after that day, I had a sore throat and the flu
because
I talked too
much and
I was out in the sun without a hat. I would say that it was
so
terrible. I
feel
tired and weak.
I
can't do anything during that time. During that time, I couldn't do anything,
but
my parents took me to the clinic, and the doctor gave me
some
advice to
make
me
feel
better. I can't drink
cold
water and
have to
rinse my mouth with salt water and supplement with vitamins from food and fruit. I didn't drink
cold
water; I washed my mouth with salt water.
In particular
, I
have to
take
a lot of
medicines. It's
very
.
.
.
horrible
.
Nevertheless
, thanks to the medicine, I
feel
better
now
. I
feel
very
healthy and I can do
a lot of
things again. After that time, I was more careful about taking care of my health.
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IELTS essay a heath problem that once happened to you

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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