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A Hard Day with my Friend in the Desert

A Hard Day with my Friend in the Desert 96kLw
One day me and my friends decide to go to the desert. We take everything that we need for this trip like food, power bank, games. When we arrive I re mm embed that I forgot the water, so we did n had anything to drink it. There wasn't Telephone signal. It was a sunny day, so we couldn't struggle this obstacle. Our bodies respond for that by sweating. Finally we saw a car and we ask him to help us. This experian thought me to be more responsible.
One day me and my friends

decide to go to the desert.

We take everything that we need for

this trip like food, power bank, games.

When we arrive I re mm embed

that I forgot the water,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we did n

had anything to drink it. There wasn't

Telephone signal. It was a sunny day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we

couldn't struggle this obstacle.

Our bodies respond for that by

sweating.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
car and


we ask him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us. This

Possible spelling mistake found.
experian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
me to be more

responsible.

IELTS essay A Hard Day with my Friend in the Desert

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
89 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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