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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. g9A7
From the prehistoric era interdependency among humans and animals has helped us to evolve. Nowadays, few people believe in the notion that the animals should not be exploited and should be provided with same treatment as humans. Whereas, others believe that animals are here to serve every human need possible. In the next few paragraphs, I will propound upon both viewpoints. To commence with, as the human population has grown in past few centuries and we have achieved godly technological advancements but still we depend on animals for food sources, security and research. Animals and humans have always lived closely and served each others purposes and needs. As, there are few colder nations around are world which completly rely on animal food sources like dairy and meat. Moreover, animals are used as subjects in a research studies so that new vaccines can be developed and help millions of humans in their survival. So, evidently this proves that we cannot shudder from the idea that animals should be used by humans to serve their needs otherwise humans will face extinction. But on the flip side of the coin, many animal species are facing mass extinction due to rampant killing because of greediness of humans. This leads to imbalance in the nature and consequenlty leading to disruption of the food chain. In a survey by animal rights organisation stated that many species of sharks face annihilation due to massive hunting by humans. In addition to this, many organised crime syndinates are funded with the help of animal parts trafficing. Therfore, these incidents clearly states that we are tremendously exploiting animals for selfish purposes. In conclusion, I believe humans can use animals for daily needs as their life depends on this but in return humans should take of them. Animals should be treated as living beings rather than an object to exploit. Governments should take adequate measures to ensure animals are treated well and are not expoited for personal gain.
From the prehistoric era interdependency among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to evolve. Nowadays, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in the notion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not
be exploited
and should
be provided
with same treatment as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are here to serve every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
possible. In the
next
few paragraphs, I will propound upon both viewpoints.

To commence with, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population has grown in past few
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
centuries and
we have achieved
godly
technological advancements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
we depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food sources, security and research.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
closely
and served each others purposes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. As, there are few colder nations around are world which
Possible spelling mistake found.
completly
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
food sources like dairy and meat.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as subjects in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that new vaccines can
be developed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in their survival.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
evidently
this proves that we cannot shudder from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to serve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will face extinction.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the flip side of the coin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species are facing mass extinction due to rampant killing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of greediness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. This leads to imbalance in the nature and
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequenlty
leading to disruption of the food chain. In a survey by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
stated that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of sharks face annihilation due to massive hunting by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
In addition
to this,
Possible agreement error. The noun crime seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much organised crime", "a good deal of organised crime".
many organised crime
Possible spelling mistake found.
syndinates
are funded
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
parts
Possible spelling mistake found.
trafficing
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Therfore
, these incidents
clearly
states that we are
tremendously
exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for selfish purposes.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
as their life depends on this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in return
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should take of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
should
be treated
as living beings
rather
than an object to exploit.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should take adequate measures to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are treated
well and are not
Possible spelling mistake found.
expoited
for personal gain.
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IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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