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A group of people opine that history should be mandatory in the academic level, however other argued science should be mandatory . discus both view and give your opinion

A group of people opine that history should be mandatory in the academic level, however other argued science should be mandatory. discus both view and give your opinion PX3OE
While it is argued by a number of people history to be taught as an alternatives to science, others opine science and technology to be mandatory in the academic syllabus. I firmly believe both are the crucial subject as without learning history will be unable to know our past on the contrary without learning science e ill be far behind in this technological world. On the one hand, a numerous number of community emphasis the importance of learning history as its helps us to know about our historical past. Ho we are at present stage what our ancestors did to identify as national to the global that e should know. Without having a proper knowledge about our background, we can not claim us as a educated nationals. For instance, despite of educating from science background in the public services examination it is often asked in the interview about his or her countries historical past. On the other hand, kin this modern era we cannot ignore the contribution of science so we must have adequate knowledge about science to keep us in the race of existing global competition. While all the developed countries eyes to occupying Mars, and we do not know the basic of science that will wash away us form the track. If, we have knowledge of technology definitely we could gain numerous number of benefits such, as personal, health, environment, mathematics and inventios which are essential aspects of our life. To sum up, History and science both are vital subjects and e should learn them both in a systemic way so that we would be able to introduce as a perfect nation among the globe in this modern era.
While it
is argued
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to
be taught
as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an alternative" or simply "alternatives"?
an alternatives
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, others opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology to be mandatory in the academic syllabus. I
firmly
believe both are the crucial subject as without learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
will be unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
our past
on the contrary
without learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
e ill be far behind in this technological world.

On the one hand, a numerous number of community emphasis the importance of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about our historical past. Ho we are at present stage what our ancestors did to identify as national to the global that e should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
. Without having a proper knowledge about our background, we can not claim us as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
educated
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "national"?
nationals
.
For instance
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
educating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
background in the public services examination it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
asked in the interview about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
countries historical past.

On the other hand
, kin this modern era we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have adequate knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us in the race of existing global competition. While all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
eyes to occupying Mars, and we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the basic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
that will wash away us form the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. If, we have knowledge of technology definitely we could gain numerous number of benefits such, as personal, health, environment, mathematics and
Possible spelling mistake found.
inventios
which are essential aspects of our life.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
both are vital subjects and e should learn them both
Consider replacing "in a systemic way" with the adverb for "systemic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a systemic way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we would be able to introduce as a perfect nation among the globe in this modern era.
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IELTS essay A group of people opine that history should be mandatory in the academic level, however other argued science should be mandatory. discus both view and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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