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A group of people believes that teenagers should find a job immediately whereas others think that they ought to pursue higher education to guarantee a successful career. While there are some beneficial effects of starting a profession, it seems to me that continuing studying is much better.

A group of people believes that teenagers should find a job immediately whereas others think that they ought to pursue higher education to guarantee a successful career. While there are some beneficial effects of starting a profession, it seems to me that continuing studying is much better. KYYRR
A group of people believes that teenagers should find a job immediately whereas others think that they ought to pursue higher education to guarantee a successful career. While there are some beneficial effects of starting a profession, it seems to me that continuing studying is much better. There are two main reasons why people support getting a job. First, they think that youngsters can be independent on their own income. Many families, especially those who are unwealthy, hope their children can earn money themselves as soon as possible. Moreover, teenagers usually have the tendency to master their life, so they don’t want to depend on parents during the time studying at university or college. Second, it is no doubt that young people who get a job early on would progress rapidly. Their experience which is gained while they are working would teach them how to get along with their colleagues and bosses. Consequently, their employers would likely promote them to higher positions. In contrary, I suppose that keeping on their studies will bring them much more advantages. University and college let pupils get access to stable-financed jobs. People who are unqualified would be out of work in case their businesses go bankrupt. But some professional jobs which required relevant degrees offer them an amount of retired salary. Furthermore, continuing their education would give youngsters time to prepare for their future. At the age of eighteen, teenagers are not mature enough to face with difficulties in jobs and life. If too many things burden on their shoulders, they will be under pressure and have health problems. To sum up, although there are strong arguments for both views, it seems to me that young people should keep studying after high school.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
immediately whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they ought to pursue higher education to guarantee a successful career. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial effects of starting a profession, it seems to me that continuing studying is much better.

There are two main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
First
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that youngsters can be independent on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
families,
especially
those who are
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwealthy
, hope their children can earn money themselves as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
usually
have the tendency to master their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t want to depend on parents during the time studying at university or college. Second, it is no doubt that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
early on would progress
rapidly
. Their experience which
is gained
while they are working would teach them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their colleagues and bosses.
Consequently
, their employers would likely promote them to higher positions.

In contrary, I suppose that keeping on their studies will bring them much more advantages. University and college
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to stable-financed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
are unqualified
would be out of work in case their businesses go bankrupt.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which required relevant degrees offer them an amount of retired salary.
Furthermore
, continuing their education would give youngsters time to prepare for their future. At the age of eighteen,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to face with difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and life. If too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things burden on their shoulders, they will be under pressure and have health problems.

To sum up, although there are strong arguments for both views, it seems to me that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
studying after high school.
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IELTS essay A group of people believes that teenagers should find a job immediately whereas others think that they ought to pursue higher education to guarantee a successful career. While there are some beneficial effects of starting a profession, it seems to me that continuing studying is much better.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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