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A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending money oh defence but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending money oh defence but spend less on social benefits. 2oj6
In modern world many people talk that «if you do not want to keep your own army, you will feed army of other country». Direct liability of authorities is provide safety of their own citizens, through growing of defending budgets. However, some humans believe that government should support increasing amount of founds to different social benefits and less money to people's defence. For my opinion, safety of citizens is a direct responsibility of the any State. Firstly, many historical examples show us, when State has a week army the other government could easily winning and capture those territory. The direct responsibility of authorities is spending money for army, purchasing innovation weapons, uniforms and balance, healthy diet for it. In our time, we have bright example of ignoring army's issue, it is east part of Ukraine, when Ukrainian government had lost a huge part of the region. Secondly, safety of citizens is not only army and a lot of people forget about situation inside the State. The decreasing of crimes level or fire fighting require a huge budgets and liability of government is spending money to those directions. For example, forest fires, every year, make many issues for citizens of different countries. Moreover, forest fires lead to undermine of human's health or even death. So, creating modern fire fighting system is important part of citizens safety. In conclusion, the outside and inside citizen’s defence is a direct responsibility of any States and authorities should spend many of budget founds to those direction firstly and only after provide benefits for other social needs.
In modern world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
talk that «if you do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
, you will feed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
of other country».
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Direct
liability of authorities is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
safety of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, through growing of defending budgets.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humans believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should support increasing amount of founds to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social benefits and less money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
. For my opinion, safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
direct
responsibility of the any State.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
historical examples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us, when State has a week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
easily
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "win"
winning
and capture
Did you mean "this territory" or "those territories"?
those territory
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
direct
responsibility of authorities is spending money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
, purchasing innovation weapons, uniforms and balance, healthy diet for it. In our time, we have bright example of ignoring army's issue, it is east part of Ukraine, when Ukrainian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had lost a huge part of the region.

Secondly
, safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forget about situation inside the State. The decreasing of crimes level or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire
fighting require a huge budgets and liability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is spending money to those directions.
For example
, forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fires
, every year,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
Moreover
, forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fires
lead to undermine of human's health or even death.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, creating modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fire
fighting system is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
safety.

In conclusion
, the outside and inside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
direct
responsibility of any States and authorities should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of budget founds to
Did you mean "this direction" or "those directions"?
those direction
firstly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after provide benefits for other social needs.
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IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending money oh defence but spend less on social benefits.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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