Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A friend of yours is visiting your region and has asked you to help to arrange accommodation. Write to him / her. In your letter-Give details of the accommodation. -What you think he should bring with him. -Sightseeing places he could visit. v.1

A friend of yours is visiting your region and has asked you to help to arrange accommodation. Write to him / her. In your letter-Give details of the accommodation. -What you think he should bring with him. -Sightseeing places he could visit. v. 1
Technology has taken the control of our modern world. One of them are mobile phones, which brings some kind of technological interventions. While the general public believe that those things are making people socially less interactive, some others are not agree with it. Personally, I think that this is true, and I will explain why. Firstly, we have to mention that this technology brings a new way of interacting with other people such as social media, which in fact is more appealing to many. For example, the number of mobile phone users in Indonesia is increasing every year. This happens because it is more convenient to do so, as they can communicate with someone anywhere and anytime. Because of that, most people prefer spending their time on their digital world rather than doing an actual social activity in real life. As a result, they become much less socially interactive. Furthermore, that disruption happens not solely because of the technology, but it also down to the person who uses it. Although the phone itself is great in many ways, the users are not wise enough to use them. I do understand the opposing view, which is that despite the use of the social media, they are still doing a social activity, thus it is not as less interactive as many people suggest. Nevertheless, it still happens virtually, so it is not really a genuine one. In conclusion, I believe that mobile phone users have to be more aware and responsible for what they do, as they are still part of this social world.
Technology has taken the control of our modern world. One of them are mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, which brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of technological interventions. While the
Consider using "public".
general public
believe that those things are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socially
less interactive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others are not
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with it.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is true, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Firstly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
mention that this technology brings a new way of interacting with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, which in fact is more appealing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
For example
, the number of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users in Indonesia is increasing every year. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more convenient to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, as they can communicate with someone anywhere and anytime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer spending their time on their digital world
rather
than doing an actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activity in real life.
As a result
, they become much less
socially
interactive.
Furthermore
, that disruption happens not
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
down to the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
it. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
itself is great in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, the users are not wise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.

I do understand the opposing view, which is that despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, they are
still
doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activity,
thus
it is not as less interactive as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest.
Nevertheless
, it
still
happens
virtually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is not
really
a genuine one.

In conclusion
, I believe that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more aware and responsible for what they do, as they are
still
part of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay A friend of yours is visiting your region and has asked you to help to arrange accommodation. Write to him / her. In your letter-Give details of the accommodation. -What you think he should bring with him. -Sightseeing places he could visit. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts