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A/DBecause the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.1

A/DBecause the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 1
Technology is rapidly changing the lives of people around the world, creating a high demand for university graduates with a background in science. However, the number of students studying relevant subjects is well below the required level. This problem seems to be caused by outdated preconceptions, which determine young people’s choices today. One of those preconceptions is that certain subjects are better suited for men. Examples of these include mathematics, computer science, technologies and other fields of knowledge, which are totally dominated by males. In recent decades, a noticeable progress has been achieved by many countries in acknowledging that men and women are equally capable in science. Despite this big step towards equality, female employees may still feel unwelcome or, in some instances, face evident discrimination in a male dominated work environments. As a result, many women with a natural inclination to system settle for studying humanities or social system at university, depriving society of their main talent. Another reason for the lack of technique students spreads even wider. In the past, scientists were paid significantly less than professionals in such prestigious areas, such as business and law. Therefore, ambitious young people tended to choose highly paid occupations, disregarding their aptitude for science. Things have changed; today jobs in science are among those with the highest remuneration, but this trend is yet to be reflected in the university application numbers. For example, in the UK, over half of all international students still choose to study for a degree in business. Consequently, economies around the world are affected by an oversupply of social science graduates and a deficit of graduates with technical skills. Not surprisingly, complaints of fresh graduates who cannot find a job are frequent. To conclude, it seems some young people still perceive studying science as a route towards a mediocre income from a job where most of one’s colleagues are men. Thus, too many opt for a degree in social sciences, creating an imbalanced society were highly-educated academy graduates struggle to find a skilled job.
Technology is
rapidly
changing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world, creating a high demand for university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
with a background in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
However
, the number of students studying relevant subjects is well below the required level. This problem seems to
be caused
by outdated preconceptions, which determine young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

One of those preconceptions is that certain subjects are better suited for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Examples of these include mathematics, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, technologies and other fields of knowledge, which are
totally
dominated by males. In recent decades,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "noticeable progress".
a noticeable progress
has
been achieved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in acknowledging that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are
equally
capable in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Despite this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
step towards equality, female employees may
still
feel unwelcome or, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances, face evident discrimination in a male dominated work environments.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
women with a natural inclination to system settle for studying humanities or social system at university, depriving society of their main talent.

Another reason for the lack of technique students spreads even wider. In the past, scientists
were paid
significantly
less than professionals in such prestigious areas, such as business and law.
Therefore
, ambitious young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tended to choose
highly
paid occupations, disregarding their aptitude for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are among those with the highest remuneration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this trend is
yet
to
be reflected
in the university application numbers.
For example
, in the UK, over half of all international students
still
choose to study for a degree in business.
Consequently
, economies around the world are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by an
oversupply
of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and a deficit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
with technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Not
surprisingly
, complaints of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
who cannot find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are frequent.

To conclude
, it seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
perceive studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as a route towards a mediocre income from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
where most of one’s colleagues are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Thus
, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opt for a degree in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
, creating an imbalanced society were
highly
-educated academy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
struggle to find a skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay A/DBecause the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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