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A country's future depends on it's young people. Therefore, a country should invest heavily in its youth. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

A country's future depends on it's young people. Therefore, a country should invest heavily in its youth. v. 1
There is a saying that goes "children are the leaders of tomorrow" Hence, countries are admonished to invest greatly in the young. In my opinion, I strongly agree with having to impact the younger generation and this essay will further discuss how this act can make a nation internationally recognised and how people can become better leaders in the years to come. Firstly, when the young are being invested into, they enable the country to be globally recognised. This can be explained in the sense that young adults who have undergone thorough grooming, through education, moral values as well as cultural ethics are enabled to build their own brands, which could be in the form of gadgets, textiles or even edibles. Therefore, creating a global identification for the nation as these goods is exported to other countries for use worldwide. For instance, my uncle was placed on scholarship from primary school through tertiary institution by the state government. He is a proud owner of several multinational companies today. This worldwide recognition, consequently, encourages the nation's economy to experience a significant increase. Also, investing in the younger generation by the country motivates youths to be responsible leaders. This is due to the fact that, being a leader comes with a lot of responsibilities. For example, in Nigeria, all university graduates are mandated to go through a compulsory one year of national service, where every individual is posted outside the confines of their homes and comforts to acquire skills and learn the cultural values of other tribes. This platform creates a form of awareness and respect within the individual. Therefore, allowing them to grasp the obligation that is attached to being a responsible leader later in life. To sum up, after analysing the points stated, it is clear that the impact of a country on the young adult paves way to becoming responsible elders and gives global recognition.
There is a saying that goes
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
children are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
of tomorrow
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are admonished
to invest
greatly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with having to impact the younger generation and this essay will
further
discuss how this act can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a nation
internationally
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can become better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

Firstly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are
being invested
into, they enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be globally
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults who have undergone thorough grooming, through education, moral values
as well
as cultural ethics
are enabled
to build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
brands, which could be in the form of gadgets, textiles or even edibles.
Therefore
, creating a global identification for the nation as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is exported
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
worldwide.
For instance
, my uncle
was placed
on scholarship from primary school through tertiary institution by the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. He is a proud owner of several multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. This worldwide recognition,
consequently
, encourages the nation's economy to experience a significant increase.

Also
, investing in the younger generation by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
motivates youths to be responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
.
This is due to the fact that
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities.
For example
, in Nigeria, all university graduates
are mandated
to go through a compulsory one year of national service, where every individual
is posted
outside the confines of their homes and comforts to acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn the cultural values of other tribes. This platform creates a form of awareness and respect within the individual.
Therefore
, allowing them to grasp the obligation that
is attached
to being a responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
later in life.

To sum up, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the points stated, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the impact of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult paves way to becoming responsible elders and gives global recognition.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A country's future depends on it's young people. Therefore, a country should invest heavily in its youth. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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