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A colleague at work is organizing a goodbye party which you're not able to attend. Write a letWhy you cannot make it yo the party, something good he did for you that you appreciate while working together and state how are you going to get in touc v.1

A colleague at work is organizing a goodbye party which you're not able to attend. Write a letWhy you cannot make it yo the party, something good he did for you that you appreciate while working together and state how are you going to get in touc v. 1
In current hectic society, many parents spend the vast majority of their time by working, thus they cannot allot enough time to their offsprings. As a consequence, some people think it is a reliable alternative to trust grandparents to take care of their children, whereas others opine that the best option is childcare centres. On the one hand, care taking is one of the most salient parts of an infant's growth and can be well undertaken by other family members like grandparents or uncle and aunt. It is also indisputable that the upbringing of a child under grandparents is highly rich in cultural, traditional and ritual parts. The kids are grown up under their grandparents have more respect to their family and relatives, hence the responsibility taking of children under blood relatives is highly beneficial in order to strengthen and enhance family relationships between kids and other family members. On the other hand, the manifest boons of child care centres cannot also be refuted. First and foremost, the professionals in these places have required qualifications to bring up a child, therefore it is more effortless for them to ascertain both mental and physical problems of kids. Furthermore, in these centres, children have a lot of opportunities to socialize and hone their communication skills by interacting with each other. For example, kids from various nationalities can easily gain knowledge about one another's culture by communicating in these centres which, in turn, would make them a more intelligent person in the future. In conclusion, although there are some obvious edges of children being raised by their own family members, I believe it is a better choice to send them to centres that provides superior upbringing of children.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
hectic society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents spend the vast majority of their time by working,
thus
they cannot allot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a reliable alternative to trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas others opine that the best option is childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

On the one hand, care taking is one of the most salient parts of an infant's growth and can be well undertaken by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
or uncle and aunt. It is
also
indisputable that the upbringing of a child under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is
highly
rich in cultural, traditional and ritual parts. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are grown
up under their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
have more respect to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and relatives,
hence
the responsibility taking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under blood relatives is
highly
beneficial in order to strengthen and enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the manifest boons of child care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
cannot
also
be refuted
.
First
and foremost, the professionals in these places have required qualifications to bring up a child,
therefore
it is more effortless for them to ascertain both mental and physical problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Furthermore
, in these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to socialize and hone their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by interacting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
from various nationalities can
easily
gain knowledge about one another's culture by communicating in these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
which, in turn, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a more intelligent person in the future.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious edges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being raised
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, I believe it is a better choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
that provides superior upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A colleague at work is organizing a goodbye party which you're not able to attend. Write a letWhy you cannot make it yo the party, something good he did for you that you appreciate while working together and state how are you going to get in touc v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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