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A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, it is believed by some part of the population that a large salary is more crucial than job satisfaction. Initially, this essay will discuss the motivation received when people adore their profession and, then, it will analyse why money, as the main goal, might indicate a waste of life. To begin with, first of all, the main reason why job satisfaction is more important than salary is that it has the ability to motivate employees and create a certain mission for them. This is because of the fact that not only do people perform better when they completely immerse into the process but also their results are likely to improve if they honestly love what they devote their time to. Hence, if the productivity of labour is better that, in turn, will increase their performance and profits for the company. For example, workers of Apple have mentioned that the firm is constructed on the concept which tells that employees work since they like what they do and understand their purpose clearly. Moreover, an infinite marathon for money can lead to the fact that a person will not have enough time to enjoy the present and relax. The main reason for this is that not only do some workers maniacally spend the whole life just on earning cash but also they usually forget to spend them since they got used to collect and, in other words, save them for worse days. As a result, if humans only work from dusk till dawn they can forget to live their life. For instance, recent research has shown that more than 30% of those who have a salary as the main goal to be achieved feel stressed and unhappy. Eventually, to conclude, I disagree with the opinion that the workers' major aim should be higher wages. This is due to the fact that, firstly, job satisfaction can motivate and make the process of work easier and, secondly, since chasing money is a waste of time and it might lead to a lot of regrets at the end.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the population that a large salary is more crucial than job satisfaction.
Initially
, this essay will discuss the motivation received when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adore their profession and, then, it will
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analyse’ is British English.
analyse
why money, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
goal, might indicate a waste of life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
first of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason why job satisfaction is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than salary is that it has the ability to motivate employees and create a certain mission for them. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using “because”.
because of the fact that
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perform better when they completely immerse into the process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their results are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
if they
honestly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what they devote their time to.
Hence
, if the productivity of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘labour’ is British English.
labour
is better that, in turn, will increase their performance and profits for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, workers of Apple have mentioned that the firm
is constructed
on the concept which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
that employees work since they like what they do and understand their purpose
clearly
.

Moreover
, an infinite marathon for money can lead to the fact that a person will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to enjoy the present and relax. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason for this is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers
maniacally
spend the whole life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on earning cash
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
usually
forget to spend them since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
In the grammatical structure ‘pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb’, the verb ‘used’ is used with the gerund: “used to collecting”.
used to collect
and,
in other words
, save them for worse days.
As a result
, if humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
work from dusk till dawn they can forget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life.
For instance
, recent research has shown that more than 30% of those who have a salary as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
goal to
be achieved
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and unhappy.

Eventually
,
to conclude
, I disagree with the opinion that the workers' major aim should be higher wages.
This is due to the fact that
,
firstly
, job satisfaction can motivate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the process of work easier and,
secondly
, since chasing money is a waste of
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
it might lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
regrets at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
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IELTS essay A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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