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9-Most children spend a lot of time watching television and playing computer games. Should parents limit the time their children spend on such activities?

9-Most children spend a lot of time watching television and playing computer games. Should parents limit the time their children spend on such activities? k5R72
It is an irrefutable fact that In this 21st century, children are more engaging in computer games or watching television for many hours. Thus, this essay will shed light that how it has catastrophic effects on children 's overall development and some viable measures to alleviate the spending time on such activities by their parents. To begin with, although, in this fast paced life, children feel more stressed owing to the huge burden of their academies and cut _throat completion, however electronic computer games and accessing the large amount of television is badly affected not only their mental heath but also they have to go through from various diseases at a very early age such as obesity, weak eye sight and even though a few offspring encounter extreme difficulty to build a strong relationships with their parents and friends as they become more introvert and feel shy to communicate with others. For instance, a recent survey was conducted in York Times which shows that 65% children become addicted to TV and computer games at an average age of 3 which entirely cease their mental as well as physical growth. Moreover, children tend to opine thattelevision and electronic games are their best friends rather than their parents or peers. Nevertheless, some workable steps should be taken by their parents to restrict the time that their children consume on such activities. Primarily, they ought to understand them about the detrimental consequences of addiction to TV and games, thus, they can give more emphasis to outdoor activities to stay healthy. Secondly, parents have to keep an eye on the children 's activities because nowadays, the highest proportion of parents become workaholics and unable to give quality time to them which coerce them set in front of TV or electronic gadget's in order to spend their leisure time. Eventually, children's parents should also go for exercise along with children because offsprings usually follow the footsteps of their parents and make them their role models owing to this, they can stimulate their children towards outdoor activities and decline the time period which spend in front of television. In conclusion, although, it is not feasible task especially in this modern era, but it can be tackled by bring some changes into life such as inclines towards sports and spending time with their children.
It is an irrefutable fact that In this 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more engaging in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or watching television for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours.
Thus
, this essay will shed light that how it has catastrophic effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
's
overall
development and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable measures to alleviate the spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by their parents.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
owing to the huge burden of their academies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
_throat completion,
however
electronic computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and accessing the large amount of television is
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their mental heath
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through from various diseases at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age such as obesity, weak
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
and
even though
a few offspring encounter extreme difficulty to build a strong
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "relationship"?
relationships
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and friends as they become more introvert and feel shy to communicate with others.
For instance
, a recent survey
was conducted
in York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 65%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become addicted to TV and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at an average age of 3 which
entirely
cease their mental
as well
as physical growth.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to opine
Possible spelling mistake found.
thattelevision
and electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are their best friends
rather
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or peers.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
steps should
be taken
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consume on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Primarily
, they ought to understand them about the detrimental consequences of addiction to TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
thus
, they can give more emphasis to outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to stay healthy.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays, the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
become workaholics and unable to give quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to them which coerce them set in front of TV or electronic gadget's in order to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Eventually
, children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
go for exercise along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
usually
follow the footsteps of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them their role models owing to this, they can stimulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period which spend in front of television.

In conclusion
, although, it is not feasible task
especially
in this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be tackled
by bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
into life such as inclines towards sports and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay 9-Most children spend a lot of time watching television and playing computer games. Should parents limit the time their children spend on such activities?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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