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2. Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

2. Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. qKnD
It has long been a matter of discussion that the workers above the age of fifty-five should be motivated to get retirement so that the youth of the society can get employed in advanced organizations. My view coincides with the given proposition for several reasons, which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs. There are a number of arguments in favor of my stance. The most telling one lies in the fact that the elderly workers cannot adjust themselves into the new working environment. This is because, not only do they lack knowledge regarding the operation of the latest technological equipment, but they also find it hard to learn skills to work on such machinery. In contrast, working with the advanced methods is handy for the generation of twenty-first century. Therefore, it is vital for the companies to replace the older workers with the younger section to strengthen the fight with rivals in the competitive world of business. For example, corporations with more number of younger employees have higher rates of success than the organizations with the older workers. Apart from this, physical and mental fitness is one of the major factors that a worker of a present generation company must have. Only the workers with these strengths have the capability to sit in front of the screen. As, high concentration and innovation is required to work on the technological machinery for long hours without any distraction and break. Youngsters meet these requirements far better than the gray-haired workers. Therefore, they should be encouraged to take the position of older workers at the work stations. In conclusion, I believe that the generation of the present century can work more smoothly in the companies with advanced equipment than the elderly employees, as, such machinery is handy to use for them and they are more physically and mentally fit as well.
It has long been a matter of discussion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
above the age of fifty-five should
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the youth of the society can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed in advanced organizations. My view coincides with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proposition for several reasons, which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are a number of arguments in favor of my stance. The most telling one lies in the fact that the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
cannot adjust themselves into the new working environment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they lack knowledge regarding the operation of the latest technological equipment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on such machinery.
In contrast
, working with the advanced methods is handy for the generation of twenty-
first
century.
Therefore
, it is vital for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to replace the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with the younger section to strengthen the fight with rivals in the competitive world of business.
For example
, corporations with more number of younger employees have higher rates of success than the organizations with the older workers.

Apart from this, physical and mental fitness is one of the major factors that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
of a present generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with these strengths have the capability to sit in front of the screen. As, high concentration and innovation
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the technological machinery for long hours without any distraction and break. Youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these requirements far better than the gray-haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Therefore
, they should
be encouraged
to take the position of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
stations.

In conclusion
, I believe that the generation of the present century can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
smoothly
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with advanced equipment than the elderly employees, as, such machinery is handy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they are more
physically
and mentally fit
as well
.
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IELTS essay 2. Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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